Fire & Earth Podcast E80: Changing Your Habits to Accomplish Your Goals

Most people fail to achieve their goals, because they never change their habits. In this #fireandearthpodcast episode we did into what it takes to create new habit and ensure you achieve your goals.

We take a simple case study on wanting to read more, and break down what it takes to actually accomplish what seems like a relatively easy thing. Go from wishing to doing.

Listen in at: http://www.jasonmefford.com/fireandearthpodcast/ or http://fireandearthpodcast.com/

The Fire and Earth Podcast gives you practical advice and keys to unlocking your potential in life and business, hosted by Dr. Kathy Gruver and Jason Mefford. Real, raw and unscripted.

#fireandearthpodcast

Transcript

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kathygruver: Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Kathy Gruber.

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason Medford, and today we thought we’d do something a little different, since I know many of you are locked away in your home, kind of in this isolation quarantine period.

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Jason Mefford: Where we’re going to show up in our pajamas. But we decided we better use bathrobes because I know actually I don’t wear pajamas. So

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Jason Mefford: We’re in our bathrobes today coming to you.

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Jason Mefford: You know, to try to talk about

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Jason Mefford: You because we’re living in a new normal. Now right and and because of that a lot of you have an opportunity now to make some changes in your life.

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Jason Mefford: You know, Kathy. I’m sure you’ve probably felt like me right where it’s like, at times, you know, you’re like, Hey, I want to change my life I want to do something different. I want to create new habits.

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Jason Mefford: Now is the perfect time to do it because all of your old habits in normals have changed, right. So it’s an easier time for us now to actually

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Jason Mefford: change some of those habits and take advantage of this time to either develop new habits learn new things. Do whatever that you want to try to do and change during this time.

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kathygruver: Yeah, absolutely. I’m going to be slightly contrary though.

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Jason Mefford: Oh,

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kathygruver: I know if

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kathygruver: You may. So here are some of the challenges with that though this is a perfect opportunity to change things to work on personal development to write that book to do all these things. But here’s the two barriers that I’m saying one is it’s so easy to not do jack shit.

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Jason Mefford: It’s very easy to just pull the covers up and want to stay in bed right

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kathygruver: It’s easier to just, you know, play video games all day and watch Netflix and play with a cat and sit in the garden, kind of just zone out, which is great. A little bit. We’ve talked about decent trading as much as we need to do that. And the other thing is I’m seeing so much fear and

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kathygruver: I’ll use the word depression, not a clinical depression, but I’m seeing so many people who are fearful of this right now. Is there sort of frozen in that so

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kathygruver: Yes, this is an amazing time to get stuff done. And I see all these barriers to that. And so that’s kind of what we’re going to talk about this morning.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, some different ways that you can kind of get past that fear because you know when you when you think about if you’ve ever seen like the the emotional spiral the upward spiral the downward spiral.

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Jason Mefford: At the very bottom of the downward spiral is fear and depression. And so, you know, again, if, if you’re still kind of stuck or feeling in that area. Right. You need to start being able to move yourself up out of that emotion and there’s some different ways you can do it right.

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Jason Mefford: So let’s go through, like I said, Let me. Let’s talk about that a little bit to begin with. And, you know, I’m sure. For the next few episodes, we’re going to be talking about some of this stuff too, because we want to give you tools.

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Jason Mefford: To help you, you know, take advantage of this opportunity. And when we come out of this that you’re a lot further ahead than the people who are just pulling the covers up over their head and not wanting to get out of bed. Yeah, absolutely.

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kathygruver: I think the other thing, too, was we were kind of touch on is talking about routines and sticking to those routines and so many of us, you know, I’m used to getting up doing my certain things.

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kathygruver: Getting to my office by 10 seeing clients all day, squeezing stuff in between clients. Well, now I have no reason to rush out of the house massage therapist not seeing anybody right now. So it’s important, I think, to keep those habits going to keep those routines to write stuff down

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kathygruver: My boyfriend. I have started actually like writing down what do we need to accomplish today. Let’s keep each other on track with that because it’s easy to not get anything done all day. So I think sticking to that.

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kathygruver: This is business hours just as if you would work from home. Normally, I think we just have to shift that that mindset for a lot of us.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and that is probably, you know, I mean, I’ve worked from home now for over eight years, right. So, I mean, if you’re going to get anything done working from home, you have to treat it.

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Jason Mefford: Just like you would going into an office right so there there has to be some of those routines of things that you do.

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Jason Mefford: Or else, like you said, You’re, you’re sitting around watching Netflix all day and all of a sudden you wake up three weeks later, and it’s like cheese. I haven’t gotten off the couch or my bed right I go from my

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Jason Mefford: from my bed to my couch to my bed, my couch kind of a thing and and you don’t end up getting stuff done.

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Yeah.

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kathygruver: My first tip would be continue to write stuff down we know we’ve covered this, I’m a list maker.

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kathygruver: I love my to do list and you know I have a running list. Now it’s actually in one of those magnet shopping list things that you’d put up on your fridge, a running list of things that I want to accomplish, and it’s more day to day I’m not trying to sit at this point, long term goals.

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kathygruver: Excuse me, I know I want to finish my book, but I’m not the headspace for that yet. So I know it’s there. It’s on my sort of mental to do list.

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kathygruver: I haven’t put the energy into it yet. I’m kind of just trying to figure out what this new normal is what I actually want to do moving forward because the other thing for both you and I are speaking gigs are stopped.

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kathygruver: So, so sort of all of my realities, you know, there’s no massage right now.

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kathygruver: Most of my hypnosis clients don’t want to come to the office. They don’t do it virtually so like

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kathygruver: The speaking gigs of stopped. So I’m really having to take a look at, you know, what is this new normal. And I find writing stuff down and so helpful because it helps me to organize thoughts. What is important. Going back to what Sarah Caputo talked about many episodes ago

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kathygruver: Having systems in place actually reviewed her handouts. The other day, again, as I was cleaning out my task so much so many of us are. So I think it’s important to to really wants cancer done. What do you want, and then start writing stuff down on that.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and I think that that’s that’s a great tip, you know, writing it down and also talking it out.

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Jason Mefford: Because, you know, again, as we talked about some, some of you may be experiencing some of these barriers, where you’re just kind of stuck in your head right

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Jason Mefford: And if you want to get out of your head. A couple of the best ways to do it as talk it out or write it out. And this is something that’s really easy. You can do wherever you are.

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Jason Mefford: Because you know what ends up happening is those thoughts just kind of keep going over and over and in our head.

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Jason Mefford: Excuse me, we have a thought which produces a feeling that feeling ends up if we keep in that thinking process and at that horizontal thinking level.

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Jason Mefford: Then you know the bad feeling leads to another bad thought which leads to another bad feeling which leads to another bad thought

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Jason Mefford: And that’s where that emotional spiral starts taking you down into that, you know, the bottom part that fear and depression side.

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Jason Mefford: So you’ve got to start, you know, changing some of those thoughts to be able to change your feelings and move yourself up.

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Jason Mefford: Right, so again. Yeah, if you’re starting if you’re having some of those feelings talking it out, literally saying it out loud to yourself, whether that’s to another person or to yourself.

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Jason Mefford: I talked to myself a lot in my office. Okay. But there’s something about literally verbalizing it and hearing yourself say at

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Jason Mefford: That a lot of times, things just kind of click. And the same thing happens when you actually, you know, write down pen and paper, you know, actually journal something out, you’re getting a lot of that that same stuff going, you’re getting that stuff out.

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kathygruver: And I think right now having all those feelings is totally normal, not to make those feelings not. I mean, there’s so many unknowns right now.

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kathygruver: And our brain is constantly scanning the environment, looking for things that are wrong, looking for threats, so that it can protect us from those. So with having so much upheaval and so many things going on, we’re all pretty much fight or flight, right now.

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kathygruver: Just because from day to day from newscast and newscast. You don’t know what we’re going to be hit with. So I think it’s totally natural to be having those feelings right now.

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kathygruver: And how can we turn those into something more productive. How can we turn that spiral.

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kathygruver: Upside down so that we’re spiraling up rather than spiraling down. I think you’re right. Starting to be able to gain control over those thoughts is

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kathygruver: Is probably one of the big keys to it. This is where the affirmations come in if you didn’t listen to our affirmation episode, go back and listen to that because I think that’ll be really helpful. Right now changing those negative thoughts to positive ones.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, because I think it’s, it’s interesting you know one of the things that I’ve, I’ve kind of learned through this as well, or that has become more apparent is

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Jason Mefford: You know, especially when we’re doing that downward spiral. We. What if all the time. What if I get the virus. What if I don’t have work. What if the money doesn’t come in, what if, what if, what if, right.

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Jason Mefford: And all of those things that I just said, or negative what ifs. Okay. Their things their stories that we’re telling ourselves about how the future will be

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Jason Mefford: And how negative and horrible. We think it’s going to be one of the things you can do is swap them around. What if positive instead. Right.

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Jason Mefford: Because because starting to ask yourself those what ifs that are positive is going to start giving you those better thoughts which is going to raise your feeling level as well. Right.

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Jason Mefford: And so back

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kathygruver: Going back to something that I think it was Mike mendell said if you ask your brain a question. It’s going to look for that answer. It doesn’t like that open loop.

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kathygruver: So if you say, What if everything goes wrong, your brains going to look for all that stuff that’s going wrong.

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kathygruver: Whereas if you say, What if I take this opportunity to build my business. What if I take this time to get close to my family. What if I take this time to rest to stretch to exercise to what it

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kathygruver: Then you’re going to start to look for those positive things and it’s you know it’s like your search engine on your computer, you’re going to

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kathygruver: Find what you type into that search bar. And if you look for lack and fear and negativity. That’s what you’re going to find. You’re not going to find positivity. That’s about programming yourself. I didn’t want to jump in.

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Jason Mefford: No, because I was gonna say. I mean, we can take, let’s take one of those negative what ifs that I just sat right. What if I get the coronavirus

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Jason Mefford: Okay, because I’m sure a lot of you are saying that you’re worrying about that. Oh my gosh, what is going to happen if I get sick. But let me just stop you there and say, but you know what, what if you don’t get it.

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Jason Mefford: Huh, what if you don’t get it. Because what I’ll tell you, statistically speaking, and everything else, right, you’re much more likely to not get this

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Jason Mefford: Than to get this, so why not. What if yourself into a positive space and and use or create those stories about how this is going to be the positives, the opportunities that can come from this because you’re probably not going to get it right.

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Jason Mefford: Right, I mean,

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kathygruver: The other thing about that is stress depletes our immune system.

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kathygruver: So we are, the more we worried about getting sick, the more apt we are to get sick. I say this every cold and flu season and not just with Kobe.

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kathygruver: It’s like the more we worry about something, the more we deplete our immune system we have this all this chemical cascade happening that’s not healthy for us. So if you’re worried about it. You’re actually not helping yourself not get it so

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Jason Mefford: You’re actually increasing the likelihood that you will

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kathygruver: Right, right.

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kathygruver: And there’s it comes to self fulfilling prophecy of who’s, who told you was going to get it. And then everything else that’s negative has to be true, too. So we have to kind of just put a stop in that thinking throw a

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kathygruver: Wheel that turns. They put that thing in that stops the, what is that called

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Jason Mefford: A spanner in the flywheel right you throw well

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kathygruver: That’s a hell. Okay.

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Jason Mefford: It’s it’s a British term for throwing a wrench in the wheel. While is turning but yeah

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Jason Mefford: spanner a spanner is a

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Jason Mefford: English term for a wrench.

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Jason Mefford: Oh, sorry, random shit for you today.

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kathygruver: alistair’s here somewhere. Anyway, okay, yes, we’re going to put

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kathygruver: Why, we’ll

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Jason Mefford: Just stop it. But, you know, because again, like I said, start to teach yourself or train yourself when you’re having those negative thoughts. What if this bad thing happens.

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Jason Mefford: Well, what if instead of good thing happens because it’s just as likely if not more likely that the good thing will happen.

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Jason Mefford: And the more you can say that the more you can think that the more you’re going to end up feeling that, and you’re going to notice yourself going up the emotional spiral instead

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Jason Mefford: And again, you know, you don’t you don’t jump immediately from like fear to joy on the top end

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Jason Mefford: But you move yourself up slowly. Yeah right and and just like you move yourself down slowly you move yourself up slowly. And so you start having other thoughts that are going to create these better and better feelings and get you out of where you’re currently at right

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kathygruver: And you know, we have all these events and there are just things we decide whether they’re positive or negative. We decide with how we think about them.

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kathygruver: Whether they’re good or bad. I mean, there are just things and there’s, I think I said this parable about the title you have, I use the parable, but the farmer and the horse and the son who breaks his arm.

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Jason Mefford: I just I just reread that this week so so yeah let’s let’s talk about that because that’s a great one. Right.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah. Maybe, maybe not.

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Jason Mefford: We’ll see.

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Jason Mefford: Right. Okay, so tell the story. This is a great story.

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kathygruver: I love this. So there’s a farmer. He has one son. He has one horse. He has this large field. And one day.

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kathygruver: The town, people come to him and they say, Oh, this is so horrible. You’ve got all this opportunity, but you’ve only got, you know, you’ve got so little help. And the guy says, we’ll see.

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kathygruver: So the next day, all these wild horses show up on his farm and the village comes around. They’re like, Oh my gosh, this is so great, you know, have all these horses and the farmer says we’ll see

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kathygruver: The sun gets on one of the horses to treat basically train it in terms of what to do.

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kathygruver: The horse throws the sun. The sun falls and breaks his arm. The town gathers around. Oh my god, this is the most horrible thing ever. It was on your one son he broke his arm is so terrible. And the farmer says we’ll see

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kathygruver: The next day, the Army comes around and takes all young men to go off into war that they can’t take the sun because he broke his arm. It’s in the village gathers around is is oh, we’re so lucky. Your son broke his arm will see as a very truncated version of that because a lot

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kathygruver: A lot but

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kathygruver: I mean, it’s that thing. It’s like I have so many clients who are cancer survivors who said the best thing that ever happened in that was getting cancer.

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kathygruver: Because it allowed them to grow closer to their family allowed them to learn more about themselves allowed them to deepen their spirituality, whatever it is.

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kathygruver: Not saying we should all run out, give

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kathygruver: The positive thing.

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kathygruver: But we have to look at these these things as opportunities. You know, I get to finish my book I get to do more online stuff. I get to grow closer and my relationship. I get to, you know, I got a trapeze in my living room now probably wouldn’t have that

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kathygruver: So it’s really an opportunity

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kathygruver: To find the good stuff in this and it is about taking all this as an opportunity, as opposed to a roadblock. And that’s what I think we have to shift our focus on. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Been in because we tend to always look at the negative side right you know that that I know that there’s probably many of you out there listening that, you know, rewind to three months ago.

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Jason Mefford: You were saying to yourself, Oh my gosh, I’m working so much. I’m working long hours. I wish I had more time to spend with my family.

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Jason Mefford: Well guess what, now you have more time to spend with your family. So are you grateful for the more time that you have to spend with your family and are you taking advantage of that opportunity.

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Jason Mefford: Or you still carrying forward that negative mindset and now instead of saying, I wish I could spend more time with my family. You’re saying, Oh my gosh, these people are driving me crazy. Let me go back to work. Right.

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Jason Mefford: So if, again, if you’re carrying some of those negative feelings forward then just kind of stop and try to be present in the moment, be grateful for what you have

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Jason Mefford: You know, this is it’s a it’s a great opportunity actually last night. We did a little zoom call with some of our family over in Australia because our niece had a birthday yesterday.

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Jason Mefford: Well, she couldn’t have a birthday party. And so instead of just, you know, some of the family in Australia, having a party with her a dinner with her.

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Jason Mefford: We had everybody on from all over the world, actually, you know, spent an hour talking on a zoom call. Yeah. Now that’s an opportunity we hadn’t done that before. It’s not that we couldn’t have done it.

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kathygruver: Right, exactly.

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Jason Mefford: But the situation wasn’t such that we thought, hey, maybe we should all get on a video call together now going forward. Again, that’s an opportunity, it’s an opportunity for us to reconnect.

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Jason Mefford: Going forward, maybe we’re going to do more of that as well, which again is one of these opportunities that you have anytime there’s a such a situation like this that happens.

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Jason Mefford: We can kind of stop and assess and decide do we want to do something different.

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Jason Mefford: Going forward, yeah. Because that’s kind of what we’re talking about at the beginning to most of your daily routines just got knocked up right

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Jason Mefford: And so at this point you can decide, are there things about your daily routine that you want to change if there are now is a great opportunity to change them.

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Jason Mefford: But, you know, Kathy, like you said, If you already had these good routines. You need to keep those going as well because if those things were helping you in the past are going to help you now as well. So continue to do

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kathygruver: Yeah, and

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kathygruver: We will do will do a different episode on adaptability. But, I mean, we are all having to pivot.

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kathygruver: Even people who still have their jobs there now maybe either busier or they’re not as busy or they’re having to do their job from home or well we can’t exercise at the gym. So now we’re doing online stuff and

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kathygruver: I had a virtual cocktail party with girlfriends from high school last night. We’ve never done that. There was nothing like you said, with your family. There’s nothing that would have stopped us previously from doing that.

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kathygruver: And now we’re all kind of like, why are we not doing this every week. You know, I know we have more time to do that. I would normally know I’m working. I don’t have time to do that. But we’ve now we’re trying to drink from a fire hose.

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kathygruver: So we wanted that time with the family. Now all we have is time with

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kathygruver: Very a lot of people losing their mind. So, but what does that balance point at some point the pendulum is going to swing back to that center point.

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kathygruver: And when we come through this, it’s going to be a new normal. And we’re going to get to choose which of these things we keep doing

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kathygruver: Do we have a weekly zoom with our family, do we keep cocktail parties going virtually with people all over the world.

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kathygruver: Do we have an hour of dedicated family time a day or two hours or three hours. You know, I think we’re going to have choices to make, when this is all over of what of this buffet of

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kathygruver: Shit, and good stuff that we’ve been thrown in the last couple weeks. What do we get to pull from that that we want to hang on to. So I think that’s we’re gonna have to come to that place of balance of what do we want to keep in our lives. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and you have the choice. So, you know, again, this is a great opportunity for you to actually start doing some of that stuff. Right.

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Jason Mefford: So what are we talking about today. What are some things right, you know, if you don’t you don’t remember, try to do a little recap here for people. Right. So again, you know, many of you may be kind of stuck in your mind right now.

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Jason Mefford: And you may be spiraling down you’re having these negative. What if thoughts that’s leading to negative feelings is leading to more negative thoughts that’s leading to more negative feelings. Right.

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Jason Mefford: And you’re kind of feel yourself spiraling down at times. So when we feel that way. There’s some things we can do right talk it out, write it out.

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Jason Mefford: Either you know, write it down, talk it out with us to yourself or to somebody else, because that actually helps you become more conscious

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Jason Mefford: Of what you’re actually feeling and thinking and allows you to now place conscious thoughts in there, those positive, whatevs. To be able to help you to start moving, moving up the emotional spiral. Yeah.

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kathygruver: And that helps you vent out those emotions. You’re not just stuffing them and hanging on to them so relying on family and friends for support. I mean, that’s all they have is time right now to give you

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kathygruver: So reach out and tap into that. The other thing is keep writing stuff down know what you want. Write it down.

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kathygruver: Making sure you’re sticking to your routine and trying to find that place of balance. You know, we can still step outside and take a deep breath.

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kathygruver: I know around the country, a lot of Parks and beaches and things are starting to close, which I think so unfortunate because you know there’s a park within walking distance from the house, and that’s where we’ve been going and if they close that that’s going to be a bummer. I get it.

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kathygruver: You know, the couple people who aren’t obeying the rules are, kind of, you know, maybe messing it up, but you can still step outside your door and take a deep breath.

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kathygruver: And, you know, this might be a great time to plant some some things in pots and garden and, you know, anything you can do to

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kathygruver: Keep it as normal as possible. Moving into this new normal. So yeah, I think it was a was a smattering of things today, but I think we at least kicked off some tidbits of tips that will help people get through this a little bit better.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, cuz you know, again, like you said, if you’ve been saying you’ve been wanting to do something.

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Jason Mefford: Then do it. So I know a lot of you listening are like, Oh, I wish I could exercise more. Well, now you have the opportunity

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Jason Mefford: And even if the parks are closed, you can still go outside and walk on your street just social distance yourself from people, you know, in our parks. Over here we’ve got their signs, you know that show

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Jason Mefford: You know practice social distancing and it shows a picture of two people walking, you know, in front and behind and

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Jason Mefford: Big, big nose sign next to people walking side by side, you know,

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Jason Mefford: And it’s like, Okay, whatever. You can still get outside, you can still do some of these things, you know, prison is a mindset kind of thing anyway. Yeah.

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kathygruver: And you can still socialize.

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Jason Mefford: You can still socialize.

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kathygruver: Should I are in two different parts of the

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kathygruver: Country and we’re having this conversation with you all right now. So, yeah.

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kathygruver: Yes. And once again, we’ve blown

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Jason Mefford: blown through our time. So, look at, look at you know this as a time of opportunity, you know, think about some of the things that you might want to change habits that you want to drop habits that you want to develop

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Jason Mefford: But really take advantage of this time, don’t be that person who just doesn’t want to get out of bed and just pulls their head up over their covers

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Jason Mefford: Because if you get out of that if you do those things.

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Jason Mefford: And you’re developing yourself during this time when we get back to the new normal. You’re going to be way further ahead of everybody else that was just stuck in bed.

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kathygruver: And then you’ll have a choice.

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Jason Mefford: And you’ll have a choice. Okay, excellent.

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kathygruver: All right, I am Kathy Gruber. I can be reached at Kathy Griffin calm.

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason method I can be reached at Jason method calm and we’ll catch you on a future episode of the fire and earth podcast. See, yeah.

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Yeah.