E230 Modern Leader Skills

You probably already know how much harder it is now to be a leader. What used to work, doesn’t work so well now, and you may find yourself feeling more isolated, having difficult conversations with your peers and co-workers, and feeling a lot more stressed.

Chances are you may be still using traditional leader skills and haven’t switched yet to more effective modern skills.

In this #jammingwithjason #podcast episode we discuss some of the new skills you need to be successful in this brave new world of working remotely under a new workplace culture, so you don’t risk becoming a burned out dinosaur.

If you are an audit leader, you should seriously consider joining the Audit Leader Forum, so you have access to these modern skills. The ONLY program to give you the tools to become a successful, confident leader for a modern audit team. Learn more at: https://bit.ly/AuditLeader

Get a VIP backstage pass and behind the scenes information when you sign up for The Jamming with Jason newsletter: https://bit.ly/3k53OjS

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Well, if you’re a leader i’m sure the last couple of years have probably been a little challenging because things are different now than they used to be.

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Jason Mefford: And so today we’re going to talk about some modern leader skills, some of those things that you need to be able to survive in this new reality that we have now in.

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Jason Mefford: In business in general right and and so we’re going to get in and talk a little bit more about that because i’m sure that you’ve probably seen.

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Jason Mefford: it’s a little bit more difficult to manage or lead people now and maybe a little bit more difficult even to lead or manage yourself.

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Jason Mefford: And so, in today’s episode we’re going to get in and talk more about some of those modern leader skills that you need to be successful in the future so with that let’s roll the episode.

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Jason Mefford: Alright, so I want to jump in and i’m just calling it modern leader skills, because I think you know as as we go through time.

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Jason Mefford: things change, you know and as somebody who is serious about your career i’m sure that you’re looking at it and saying, and you know what.

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Jason Mefford: I have certain challenges that I didn’t have a couple years ago, before we started working so much remotely and you know, maybe some of the relationships with people that you work with or that work, for you are maybe a little bit different than they were before.

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Jason Mefford: So I want to jump in and talk about there’s kind of four different areas that I want to go through and talk a little bit about today.

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Jason Mefford: To help you understand and give you some some guidance, or some tips on what some of these new skills are that will help you to be more successful.

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Jason Mefford: So i’m going to go through real quick and just kind of list them off and then we’ll get in and talk about each of these.

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Jason Mefford: So the first one is relationships versus transactions Okay, the next one is power vs force then we’re going to talk a little bit about internal versus external.

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Jason Mefford: And then we’re going to talk a little bit about influence versus manipulating okay now again so it’s it’s all unscripted and it’s just you and me talking.

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Jason Mefford: I might not go in that particular order but hey you’ve been listening to the podcast for long enough you already understand that right.

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Jason Mefford: So let’s jump in first and start talking about relationship versus transaction, so what I mean by this is, you know.

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Jason Mefford: A lot of people are we’re we’re we’re so focused on being productive Okay, on being productive doing as much as we can, being as efficient as possible.

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Jason Mefford: That we’re worried usually about checking things off of our list and so we’ve got a whole bunch of things that we need to do, and we just have to get through them really quick.

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Jason Mefford: Right i’m sure you can relate to that now, when we get into that mindset we start doing things transactional Lee instead of more on a relationship basis okay.

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Jason Mefford: And so again the advent of computers and, in fact, actually working from home or working remotely.

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Jason Mefford: Even increases the tendency for us to want to be more transactional in nature, so let me give you an example.

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Jason Mefford: it’s very quick and easy to send somebody a slack message or a text message today and just say hey get it done great.

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Jason Mefford: Thanks, you know very short little things to go along, because you know what we’re all busy and we’re trying to get as much stuff done as we can.

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Jason Mefford: Now I understand I get that right, but here’s the problem that comes from this when we start treating people like transactions.

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Jason Mefford: That doesn’t feel good right do you like to get treated like a transaction or, like a number, you know I feel like a number, if you see here.

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Jason Mefford: We don’t right we we prefer to actually have connection and relationships with other people.

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Jason Mefford: And so what do we need to do, different now right well, instead of just focusing on the transactions and trying to get as much work done as we can, as quickly as possible.

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Jason Mefford: We need to spend more time actually developing and having that connection and relationship with other people.

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Jason Mefford: So you can call it relationship leadership, if you want to or whatever, but the idea is you know what the people that you’re working with.

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Jason Mefford: Or that are working for you need to actually feel like you have a relationship with them.

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Jason Mefford: Now i’m sure that you can imagine, you know if you’re in a in a romantic relationship, you have a partner husband wife, whatever.

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Jason Mefford: Imagine if you treated that relationship like you treat a lot of your work relationships okay so again imagine that you know you’ve got you’ve got two partners and they’re together hey you’re going to make dinner tonight yep, what do you make it i’m making this oh thanks.

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Jason Mefford: That didn’t go over so good right.

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Jason Mefford: And you can see how now again, I mean some people, that is how their relationships are set up.

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Jason Mefford: But people with relationships like that usually have some relationship problems right.

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Jason Mefford: And so we need to actually spend time and invest in those relationships, you know, sometimes it means we actually just need to chit chat for a few minutes before we get down to business.

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Jason Mefford: You know how are you doing you know hey I noticed this picture on your wall, I really like that picture you know, is there a story behind it, that you can tell me.

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Jason Mefford: You know anything that we can do to start learning a little bit more about the person, on the other side of the screen, those are things that are so important now.

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Jason Mefford: Why because, again, the more that we are isolated, the more that all of us as humans are craving that connection we’re craving connection with other people.

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Jason Mefford: And the fact that we have been so isolated is actually causing a lot of mental health problems with people in fact I was talking to somebody just today about this and about how alone, she feels.

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Jason Mefford: You know, and all of the mental stresses that she’s feeling and that others have her peers that she’s talking to are feeling as well right.

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Jason Mefford: Why well probably again because a lot of people are going through the motions they’re doing the transactions they’re not actually connecting.

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Jason Mefford: with other people and so again when we focus on that area we we don’t have that greater relationships and so when things come up when there are problems.

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Jason Mefford: We typically have relationship problems and so i’ll give you another example I was talking with a leader, a couple months ago.

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Jason Mefford: And we were talking about this person had a particular employee that they were having some issues with.

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Jason Mefford: And as we got into talking about what was going on a little bit more about this person about the things that had been happening.

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Jason Mefford: All of a sudden, I stopped, and I said, you know what you don’t have an employee problem you have a relationship problem.

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Jason Mefford: And that really caught this leader off and they’re like What do you mean well because they had not done some of the things that they needed to do.

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Jason Mefford: To be able to help develop the relationship they didn’t have a good relationship with this other person.

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Jason Mefford: And so the person was worried about they didn’t know what to do, they were taking things the wrong way because they didn’t really know or have a connection with that leader.

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Jason Mefford: So what we can do different one of the things that you have to do if you want to be more modern and i’m guessing you want to be more modern right you don’t want to be like an old, traditional stick in the mud.

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Jason Mefford: One of the things that you’re going to need to start to do is start to treat people like people and actually have real relationships with them.

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Jason Mefford: Now again i’ve already given you a little tip on that it can be as simple as asking a little bit about them getting to know them a little bit more don’t be all about business but actually bring in some of that human nature, you know if you’re sitting here watching the video with me.

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Jason Mefford: there’s lots of things in the background of my office that you could ask me about right hey Jason I see you have a guitar there.

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Jason Mefford: Do you play well, of course I play, because I have a guitar sitting there right.

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Jason Mefford: Now, because I have a guitar sitting there you also know, it must be important to me if I have it sitting within arm’s range of my office chair right.

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Jason Mefford: So already you can start to develop a connection with me and we can start to talk about music right and that shows me that you actually care about me.

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Jason Mefford: And when we know that other people care about us as human beings, and are not just treating us like a transaction things change significantly okay so that’s one of the things you know, again, as you think about some of these more modern skills and things that we need to do.

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Jason Mefford: One of the areas that we need to work on and like I said it’s it’s especially true if you’re working remotely that you have to be much more intentional about actually doing some of these things okay.

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Jason Mefford: So the next one let’s talk about power vs force now again those two words might seem very similar but they’re actually quite different.

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Jason Mefford: Now, as someone, you know as a leader, you have certain power, but you know just because of the position that you happen to be in okay you’re you’re the person who determines how much money somebody gets paid.

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Jason Mefford: That gives you some power in that relationship, but the real thing the difference between power vs force is how you use it okay.

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Jason Mefford: And a lot of times when people think they’re being powerful what they’re actually doing is they’re using force, instead of power.

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Jason Mefford: So what does that look like well again if i’m the boss, and I just tell you look Jason you got to do this if you don’t do this this isn’t going to be good for you, if you don’t do it i’m gonna fire you.

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Jason Mefford: that’s using force, instead of using power okay and and this this next concept around internal versus external.

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Jason Mefford: that’s really where the power comes in okay and you’ve probably heard me talk about this before and that’s fine you might be saying I already know this well if you already know it.

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Jason Mefford: Are you actually doing it, and if the answer is no, then pay you better listen again right that’s why you hear me repeat myself, so much so, the time.

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Jason Mefford: So what’s the difference between internal versus external power that is where your power is derived or comes from OK.

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Jason Mefford: So again, if i’m the boss, if I have a title, if you report to me that gives me external power, I have a title I make more money than you do.

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Jason Mefford: Therefore, I have external power if I wear a uniform if we were in the military and I was a general and you were a captain, I would have external power over you, but what i’ll ask you is just because somebody has external power do you actually listen to what they say.

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Jason Mefford: You might you might not it depends on the type of person that you are, but one thing that we’re starting to see more and more of his people don’t give a damn about your external power I don’t give a damn about your external power by providing burn burn burn.

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Jason Mefford: well.

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Jason Mefford: Enough I do a little Joan jett there about bad reputation.

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Jason Mefford: But people don’t care people don’t respect you just because you have a position of power now that’s something that has changed in the last few years, you know, in the past, we used to defer to people just because of who they were because of the the external power that they have.

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Jason Mefford: we’re not seeing that anymore, and so you know you can’t rely on saying things like i’m the boss, so you have to do what I say.

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Jason Mefford: that’s not a good enough reason anymore, and again, especially if people are not in the office and you don’t have your finger on them, and you can glare at them across the room you’ve lost all of that external power, plus it’s really not the best place to be focusing anyway.

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Jason Mefford: Instead, internal power is the power that exudes from yourself people give you power because of who you are being not your title So what does that mean.

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Jason Mefford: Well, again, the way that I kind of you know, show or try to contrast the difference between external versus internal power imagine someone who is a third world dictator.

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Jason Mefford: That person has external power that usually wear a military suit they might have people with guns around them right, that is.

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Jason Mefford: an outward of external power internal power would be someone like a monk or a Mother Teresa or a Gandhi or somebody like that who.

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Jason Mefford: People respect and give power to or deference to because of who that person is being because that person serves because that person loves because that person has integrity and what they say and and what they do.

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Jason Mefford: People by default end up giving those people power or allow that power to be used in order to influence and get them to do things okay.

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Jason Mefford: And again that’s the kind of power that we need to have and need to show as leaders today and it all comes back to us on how we are being okay.

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Jason Mefford: And that’s why to really be a successful or modern leader, today, you really got to take care of your own ship folks Okay, because the world reflects back what you are doing.

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Jason Mefford: And so that’s why you know I teach in my programs I try to espouse here on the podcast as well that whatever you do worry about taking care of and developing yourself.

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Jason Mefford: Because you know the the more integral you can be the more you can you know, make sure that you are the best person that you can be, and that you are showing up and being that person all of the time.

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Jason Mefford: That is what people want to follow okay that’s a difference between a leader that people want to follow and love versus a leader who people kind of go along with because they have to.

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Jason Mefford: So again, let me ask you do you want to be that kind of leader who people love and want to follow, or do you want to be that asshole leader that people go along with because they have to and the minute that you turn your back they’re going a different way.

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Jason Mefford: that’s what i’m talking about and i’m hoping that again that you can see the difference between what’s going on there, so that’s it’s it’s an important thing that you really half.

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Jason Mefford: Half half to get through your mind Okay, people will not follow you people will not do things just because of a title that you have.

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Jason Mefford: or just because they’re your their boss it just doesn’t happen anymore okay so focus more on that now the last one is around influencing versus manipulating.

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Jason Mefford: And you know again Bob chill Dini, has a great book called influence got another one called pre suasion great reads for you to go take a look at.

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Jason Mefford: And i’ve incorporated some you know some of his information into what I teach people because it’s good it’s scientifically backed on.

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Jason Mefford: You know why do people go along Why do people get influenced by other people right, and in fact there’s six things there’s liking reciprocity consensus authority, consistency and scarcity.

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Jason Mefford: That, are some of the pillars of influence and i’ve talked about them here before i’m not going to get into all.

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Jason Mefford: Today, but there’s some acts of there’s some ways there’s some skills in how you can use those different principles.

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Jason Mefford: to actually be able to influence people now Why am I talking about the difference between influence versus manipulation.

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Jason Mefford: Well, because historically, especially in corporate America there has been a command and control type of mentality which is.

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Jason Mefford: Getting kind of like you talked about before with the external power i’m the boss i’m the one that decides you just have to do what i’m gonna say.

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Jason Mefford: And if you don’t then i’m going to fire you or if you don’t then i’m going to give you a bad review.

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Jason Mefford: Or if you don’t then you’re not going to get a very good raises next year or, if you don’t then i’m not going to give you a bonus.

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Jason Mefford: Now, by doing that what you’re actually doing is trying to control the other person or manipulate them into doing what you want to do now.

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Jason Mefford: Whether you realize it or not, you’re actually taking away or trying to take away that person’s free will, by doing this by putting them in a position where they no longer have a choice.

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Jason Mefford: you’re actually being an asshole okay i’m just going to cut to the chase on that you’re an asshole if you’re doing that okay.

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Jason Mefford: And I don’t think you want to be an asshole as a leader okay so because of that in in in what I find is a lot of people know about the concepts of influence.

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Jason Mefford: And they think they’re influencing but they’re actually manipulating people.

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Jason Mefford: And so, this is one of those skill areas that you really have to learn how to do it it’s all based in psychology but you the intention behind why and what you’re doing is so important as well.

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Jason Mefford: And so again that’s one of the things that i’m i’m preaching here on the podcast I talked about in the programs, whether it work with people, one on one from a coaching perspective.

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Jason Mefford: or in some of the group programs and other courses and trainings that I do because it’s so important for you to actually learn how to do this right.

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Jason Mefford: And, with the right intention, because, again, we want to make sure that we’re allowing people to choose.

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Jason Mefford: Now, obviously we want to make that choice and their best interest because there’s something that we would prefer that they do.

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Jason Mefford: But we always have to leave it as it’s their choice Okay, you can choose to do it, you cannot choose to do it it’s up to you now with every choice, there are.

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Jason Mefford: Consequences right and so again, as someone who may be supervises people if some of the people that work for you choose to do something else there’s going to be consequences right.

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Jason Mefford: And sometimes we’re the one who have to be the one that provide those consequences, but you can see, see see the difference in how this could be so i’m just going to a lot of you are probably parents.

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Jason Mefford: Have young children now or teenagers, or if you’re like me, you know I had plenty of kids I plenty kids so i’ve gone through it, they they’re all adults now.

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Jason Mefford: But let’s let’s kind of talk about that this concept and how you might parent even right because again this isn’t this podcast isn’t just about you know career and leadership that way it’s about your whole life anyway right so.

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Jason Mefford: So let’s look at you know how.

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Jason Mefford: In and try to use this analogy around parenting and be able to show the difference of you know if you’re trying to manipulate people versus providing people with choices and influencing them okay now.

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Jason Mefford: You know, again, if one of my children came to me let’s let’s say they’re there are smaller child right and I want them to do something like I want you to clean your room.

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Jason Mefford: Now there are certain things that I could do to manipulate my child to force them to clean their room and i’m sure you’ve seen parents who do this i’m sure you would never do this yourself.

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Jason Mefford: But let’s say things like if you don’t clean your room by six o’clock you’re not getting any dinner i’m just not going to feed you if you’re not going to do that.

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Jason Mefford: Well, is that the way you would talk to your child or if you don’t clean your room i’m going to beat you i’m going to spank you i’m going to do whatever right.

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Jason Mefford: that’s instead using fear tactics or trying to manipulate because there’s some form of punishment that goes along with it, if they don’t do what it is that you want them to do.

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Jason Mefford: Okay that’s more from a manipulating standpoint, are you put the person in an awkward position where not really no matter what they choose, they lose.

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Jason Mefford: And you know i’m sure you already understand that lose lose situations are not the way to influence people or make friends okay so So how could this look differently right instead.

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Jason Mefford: is actually going to your child and saying something like you know what it looks like your room is really kind of messy right now.

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Jason Mefford: i’m sure it’s probably hard for you to find your favorite toy, because you have so many things on the ground.

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Jason Mefford: Are you finding it difficult to find the toys that you want to play with right and start having some sort of a conversation with them.

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Jason Mefford: Right and understand first off, is it is it important for them to clean their room maybe that’s a question, you should ask yourself to write.

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Jason Mefford: How important is it that they actually clean their room, you know, for some of my children we didn’t we didn’t worry so much about it.

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Jason Mefford: Now, if they were making a mess in the other part of the House where the rest of us had to live, that was a different situation, but is it a big deal, whether they don’t clean their room or not.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t know you know, do you make a mountain out of a molehill on something that really doesn’t matter anyway.

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Jason Mefford: So, instead, what you’re trying to do is find ways to gate or provide you know some sort of benefit for them to do it.

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Jason Mefford: Now again they can choose to do it or choose not to do it it’s up to them as long as you have you know expressly kind of showing what those consequences are so again, I could go to this child and say you know what I really need you to clean your room.

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Jason Mefford: You know if you don’t clean your room i’m not going to be able to do this now, the choice is up to you, you can clean your room.

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Jason Mefford: Or you don’t clean your room if you don’t clean your room I won’t be able to do xyz but the choice is up to you, and then you walk away.

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Jason Mefford: And you let that child decide for themselves on what they’re going to do again them fully understanding what the consequences are one way or another.

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Jason Mefford: But the see the difference between those two.

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Jason Mefford: And I know you know again sometimes we’re trying to control, we want to control and make sure that nothing bad ends up happening that’s why sometimes as parents, we really try to control our children because we’re.

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Jason Mefford: we’re afraid they’re going to hurt themselves or we’re afraid that something is going to happen.

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Jason Mefford: Well, as a leader you can’t be afraid of bad things happening you just have to try to do what you can to make things more likely to turn out in a good way, but at the end of the day, everybody has their own choice and their own decision OK.

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Jason Mefford: So, again that’s kind of what I wanted to talk a little bit to you today about some of these modern.

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Jason Mefford: leave your skills that you need to have and again as you’re listening, you know some of these things might have popped up and went Oh, my goodness, I don’t really know how to do that i’m not quite sure how to do that well keep listening to the podcast reach out to me, and let me know.

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Jason Mefford: But i’ve also given you a few actual you know tactical skills that you can actually do today.

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Jason Mefford: Because what I will tell you, you know you can choose to continue to do things the way you’ve been doing them.

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Jason Mefford: And if you do there’s it’s probably going to be more and more difficult for you, in your role as a leader or you can choose to start doing things different.

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Jason Mefford: To start looking at yourself and becoming a better person and a better leader, because what ends up happening is you know we change the world, one person at a time.

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Jason Mefford: And the first person that we need to change is ourself and what I will tell you, having worked with lots of people over many, many, many, many years is.

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Jason Mefford: The more you change yourself, the more the world around you changes and nothing in your world will change until you choose to change yourself.

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Jason Mefford: But the beautiful thing is when you change yourself the world around you will change so with that i’m going to sign off for this episode and we will catch you on the next episode have a great rest of your day.

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