Fire & Earth Podcast E94: Modifying Your Communication Preference With Others

In today’s episode we’re going to discuss communication types. What kind of communicator are you? And how can you best interact with communicators of different types?


If you’re looking to improve your social skills, build team cohesion at work, or just get to know someone, this edition of F&E is for you!

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Jason method.

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Kathy Gruver: And I am Kathy gruver and we are so excited to be back with you and Jason. I’m excited because I wanted to share something cool that I just learned

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Jason Mefford: Well, I always like that.

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Kathy Gruver: Yay. So I did. I

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Kathy Gruver: Do our listeners and viewers, which is weather here.

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Kathy Gruver: So I did a workshop with the Dale Carnegie Institute, and it was all about communication and optimizing communication, you know, one of my favorite things. And so they had a really cool.

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Kathy Gruver: Kind of one of those quizzes that you take you circle which characteristics work.

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Kathy Gruver: Seem to be most descriptive view and then you add up those columns and a divided you into for communication styles, the express or the driver.

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Kathy Gruver: amiable and analytical and I was like, okay, that’s pretty cool. So I thought today we would I could throw that little quiz up on the screen. We can talk about it. And then the really great thing about this workshop

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Kathy Gruver: And they offer tons of free workshops. And then, of course, some paint workshops as well.

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Kathy Gruver: They gave you tips for communicating with people and other styles and you know you and I have talked about this before. I’m a very direct communicator.

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Kathy Gruver: So when people give me that rambling. Oh, well, no, I can’t make the three o’clock because you know my dog has to go with that because you know she needs to get groomed every six months because she’s a show dog, and she rolls around and first, we’re not really birds are really brambles

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Jason Mefford: comma three then can you come in to

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Kathy Gruver: Shut up. How about to

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Kathy Gruver: I love text, can you come at six. Yes. Done. Boom.

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Kathy Gruver: I have realized, though, if I want to build rapport. We’ve talked about with that person.

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Kathy Gruver: I need to augment my communication style to be more friendly to be more interested in them to be more yes my down to earth person, you know, down to business person.

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Kathy Gruver: Comes in handy if I’m talking with another tab new business person.

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Kathy Gruver: But I have to augment myself. So that was one of the great things about this is you know we can’t change anybody else’s communication style, we can only adjust ourselves to what the situation and the environment is so I thought we could

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Kathy Gruver: Look over these characteristics and then talk about the styles. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: That sounds good, because that’s, that’s a good point is, again, that you know for communication to work.

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Jason Mefford: You’ve got to kind of match the communication style. The other person would like to see, you’re going to be more successful in doing that.

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Jason Mefford: So that’s why, what we’re going to share some screen and do some stuff here. So if you’re just listening on audio.

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Jason Mefford: If you want to kind of come back so you can see it and do it again. Just make sure pull the phone out of your pocket and watch the video or, you know, come back and watch it on your on your computer or something like that.

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Jason Mefford: So you can actually go through and do the exercises Kathy’s talking about it as well.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah so. Alright, so I’m going to share my screen. Bye bye.

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Jason Mefford: I’ll be over here in the background. I’m on the side.

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Kathy Gruver: Exactly. There you are. Okay, so this is actually the key because I didn’t want have to put up too many things. So this is actually the characteristics of these four things express your driver amiable analytical

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Kathy Gruver: Now, so what you’ll do is over here and category in line. A you’ll pick which of that one best describes you. Be same thing which one best describes you.

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Kathy Gruver: And then add them up and see which you end up ranking. Now, do we want to give everybody a couple seconds to write down which they think they draw they drive with, why don’t you do it, Jason, because I already did it so I kind of know what I

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Jason Mefford: Well, yeah, we can we can just kind of walk, walk through it. Now, so, yeah. So if you’re looking on the screen. Right. So you’ve got columns. A through j or sorry, rose a through j. And so if I’m looking at this, right, you know, each one of them. I need to kind of pick which one I feel more

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Jason Mefford: Really relates to me. Right. So if I look across the first a futurist a realistic coordinator or Reporter Well, I’d be more of a futurist on that one. Right, so I’d circle that one.

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Kathy Gruver: The next one, I’ve got the choice. I’m more of a realist.

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Jason Mefford: And you’re more realist.

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Jason Mefford: Capricorn and yet.

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Jason Mefford: Right. Okay. So then, we’ve got the next one. Forward Thinking values focused people oriented or detailed focused, um,

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, I’d probably

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Jason Mefford: Forward Thinking your values focused probably would be where I would go one of those two

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Jason Mefford: I would probably go with the forward thinker. Yeah. For we’re thinking

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Jason Mefford: That the next one you know row see a dreamer, a driver, a peacekeeper or a Dewar

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Kathy Gruver: I know these are hard.

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Jason Mefford: Another hard right

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Jason Mefford: And then, of course, obviously the what the way that we’ve done it. You can be a little bit influence but yeah I’m more of a dreamer. Yeah, you know, as I’ve always been a dreamer.

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Jason Mefford: The next one, inspiring reliable consider it and decisive who

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Jason Mefford: Wow those are a little bit tougher right

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Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Yes, I try to be all of those

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Kathy Gruver: As far as being a good person. Right.

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I’m not

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Jason Mefford: I might. I might go with reliable on that one more right so so that would put me kind of in a different column, but good to go with that one. No of

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Kathy Gruver: Course, yeah. We’ll see. And this is. Yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah. Is this

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Jason Mefford: Key. So you should have the top on there but yeah

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Jason Mefford: We figured it’d be easier just to show one picture right

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Jason Mefford: Okay, the next one has a sense of mission meets deadlines brings people together. Keep things on track like for that one. I’d have a sense of mission would is the one that resonates more with me on that.

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Jason Mefford: The next one. We’ve got dramatic focused relaxed or curious.

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Kathy Gruver: This was a tough one for me.

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Jason Mefford: Oh, I know. Same thing, because I don’t necessarily consider myself a dramatic person.

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Jason Mefford: I would I would either be

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Jason Mefford: Probably the more of the focused

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Jason Mefford: Probably focused, I would go with focused on that one. Yes.

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Jason Mefford: So the next the next one road G knows where or where he or she wants to be

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Jason Mefford: Knows what has to be done knows how things should be done or knows what questions to ask.

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Jason Mefford: I would probably gravitate with the first one knows where he or she wants to be

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Jason Mefford: Interesting on that one.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, so the next one anticipates problem solves problems resolves conflict or reviews methods I probably go with the solve problem on that one.

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Jason Mefford: The next one I focuses on outcomes gets results, make sure things are done assures results are appropriate who

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Jason Mefford: What’s funny all my training goes with that assurance results are appropriate. Right. I was an auditor for so long.

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Jason Mefford: But that’s not actually my personality.

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Right.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, for that one probably between focuses on outcomes or gets results.

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Jason Mefford: For me,

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Jason Mefford: And the last one. So charismatic prepared easy going aware

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Jason Mefford: I would probably go with prepared. I think I’m charismatic, but I don’t necessarily consider myself charismatic, per se, but I i usually always try to be prepared. And what I’m doing right

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, so

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Jason Mefford: So, okay. So I guess the way that I went through, I write most of my answers were either in the Express, sir.

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Jason Mefford: Or the driver.

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Jason Mefford: Column. So my communication style. I mean we have to

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Jason Mefford: Add them up for sure, but I know there were some in both of those. So now I would know at least from this communication model.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, I, I would identify with being an express sir and or a driver. Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: I think you had two more unexpressed or than driver.

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Jason Mefford: I think so. I think I had, I think I had more in there. Yeah, yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Definitely. Alright, so I’m gonna get us out of that.

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Kathy Gruver: We are back. Alright, so I’m with you. I also kind of split the split the thing between express her and driver.

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Kathy Gruver: I’m definitely a Dewar and definitely. Now what is interesting is when you look at how the person communicate how that category communicates you might feel differently.

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Kathy Gruver: That that’s the wrong word. Where is it okay

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Kathy Gruver: My sheep go there it is. Alright, so the driver.

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Kathy Gruver: Likes control very ambitious and very results oriented.

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Kathy Gruver: The expresses like social influence positive expectancy and expressiveness.

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Kathy Gruver: The amiable is our patient composed and a team player.

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Kathy Gruver: And

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Kathy Gruver: So, not me. I know the analytical tools are into precision analytical and their quality oriented, so I’m sure that when you were doing the audit and you had to bring in so much of that analytical even though that wasn’t your, your

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Kathy Gruver: communication style. Um, so yeah, so I’m with you. I’m and looking at that driver was totally more me

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Kathy Gruver: So do you feel like the express her kind of fits you.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah. Cuz, cuz read that one again they express her was

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, the express or was social influence positive expectancy and expressiveness.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, no, because I think, you know, again, that’s what I’m, what I’m really trying to do that mission driven

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Jason Mefford: You know influence people help change. So I want to change the world. I’m a dreamer.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, you know, you may call me a dreamer, but I’m not the only one john lennon right. That’s my favorite song right

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Kathy Gruver: There it is. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Because I do want to help change the world help change people make this place a better place to live. Positive expectancy. I always try to be

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Jason Mefford: You know, there’s the old expression is your, is your glass half full or half empty. I’m always the half full guy only technically it’s always full. So I’m even a step above that. Right. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Just a portion has liquid, a portion has air but

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Jason Mefford: But yeah, so I think that that part of it, you know. Does, does drive with me.

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Jason Mefford: Because I’m more of the dreamer, which, which again like we talked about in a previous episode. Maybe I shouldn’t be so damn hard on myself about not getting stuff done because

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Jason Mefford: Other people probably are better at getting getting this stuff done, then what I am anyway. And I just need to let them do it anyway.

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely. And one of the things I love. First of all, I love quizzes.

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Kathy Gruver: I love things like this. Like if there was a magazine of, you know, which superhero. I’m all about filling out the quizzes. I just think it’s kind of cool.

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Kathy Gruver: I love learning about myself. And the neat thing about figuring out these these styles and whether its personality types with the colors or with, you know,

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Kathy Gruver: Myer Briggs or anything like that is to realize that there are people that have different strengths

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Kathy Gruver: So if you’re the express or if you’re the one that’s the friendly personable one maybe surround yourself with a driver or an analytical so that they get that aspect of it done.

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Kathy Gruver: If everybody was an express her nothing would ever get done everything will look beautiful. But there wouldn’t be as much drive to get things done what communication style. Would you say you have the most trouble communicating with

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Jason Mefford: Oh,

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Jason Mefford: Probably kind of like you said, the people that just kind of keep going on and on and on and on and on. And it’s like, Come on. Let’s just, let’s just, you know, figure it out. I can you know I love to

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Jason Mefford: You know philosophy philosophizing is great, but after a while you just got to be practical in and start making a making a decision to move on, which is probably why it was a little bit balance between those two as well.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, right. The drive for the bigger mission for the bigger picture for the impact and changing the world, but at the same point actually getting shit done right and not just talking about it but putting some action behind it actually doing stuff.

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Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: I was gonna say because it’s interesting, as you were as you’re talking about that because as we went through this exercise and some other ones because another communication style preferences disc.

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Jason Mefford: In in in disc they they show usually depending on which one you do they show your natural style.

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Jason Mefford: But then they show your adaptive

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Jason Mefford: Style. Right. So your adaptive style is kind of based on you know your work experience your training, maybe the job you currently have.

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Jason Mefford: How you kind of adapt in the workplace and what you’re like in the workplace versus what you really are naturally right

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Jason Mefford: And I could see that, you know, again, because all of my you know most of my professional career has been audit risk management compliance, you know, side of it very, very much. Those people on the right hand side of that.

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Jason Mefford: Of that page. And so I got trained to do that. But that’s not who I am, deep down, I’ve just learned how to adapt and do those things. Problem is, I think I’ve as I’m talking now realized that I’ve, I’ve had a hard time letting some of those things go

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Jason Mefford: Because they’ve been a part of my life for 30 years. Yeah, right.

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Jason Mefford: And so yeah, I need to focus on more of where where I’m at.

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Jason Mefford: Where I should be

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah well and and again it’s up to us to adapt different communication styles and the the rambling, I have to tell the whole story about it person.

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Kathy Gruver: Is the animals. They want to chitchat they’re friendly. They’re the personal. They’re the let’s talk about you know 32 other things before we get to business.

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Kathy Gruver: And I’m like, oh, because I’m such a driver and that way. Like, can we just get to the point like stop wasting my time. What is the issue and they were nice enough that the

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Kathy Gruver: Dale Carnegie people they gave us a little chart of how to adapt yourself to communicate with different styles. So I just want to, I want to read these real quick with the drivers.

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Kathy Gruver: Very controlled very ambitious very results oriented very realistic. So I have been known to damper people’s dreams by saying

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Kathy Gruver: I just thought that

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Kathy Gruver: I want to be a professional singer. Oh, that’s never gonna happen.

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Jason Mefford: I’ll tell you what. You can be a professional singer right now. Sing me a song will give you $1 you get paid for your professional singer, but that’s probably all it’s gonna be

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Kathy Gruver: Adapting. Yeah, no, no, no. I was the one that was like, that’s really hard. You know, I’ve lived

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Kathy Gruver: Like, I’m sorry, I’m just such a realist with that, especially having been in that field that performing kind of profession. So if you’re dealing with a driver.

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Kathy Gruver: Get to the point quickly.

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Kathy Gruver: involve us in the decision making process challenge them use facts don’t waste their time and give them recognition.

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Kathy Gruver: That’s what they suggested suggested and dealing with a driver, if you’re dealing with an express or which is you

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Kathy Gruver: Be friendly and personable include them in projects be specific about the goals communicate frequently on the status of what’s happening and find ways for them to use their verbal skills. So find ways for you to express for you to write for you to

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Kathy Gruver: Get to wax poetic with things.

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Kathy Gruver: When dealing with the amiable and again this is my hardest one

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Kathy Gruver: I’ve had to really adapt myself when I’m dealing with these people. And these are the patient team player people and they suggest chitchat often be friendly and personable which is in direct conflict to what I want to do, which is what is the point can we get this done.

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Kathy Gruver: Here’s the Capricorn with this very sharp edges.

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Jason Mefford: Right. But you do a little bit of it right where that person may be might want to go on for five or 10 minutes to begin with, you still do it for a few

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Kathy Gruver: Minutes.

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Jason Mefford: Exactly that. But then you try to, you try to pay some and get them into okay you know this has been nice. But now we need to yeah task at hand agenda.

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Jason Mefford: For today’s meeting right

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Kathy Gruver: Exactly, exactly. Um, communicate change, give them time to adjust. Because they’re not real big with change. They want to stay on their thing.

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Kathy Gruver: So about themselves. Encourage them to speak up at meetings.

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Kathy Gruver: Because I think the problem with one of the amiable is is they’re so into the chit chatty stuff that it’s either they’re either on or off.

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Kathy Gruver: So in a meeting. They don’t know how to get straight to the point. So giving them more time to speak up in a meeting and then as as also giving them recognition.

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Kathy Gruver: And then the analytical tools which I think I’m pretty good at communicating with because they’re also very, you know, precision analytical

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Kathy Gruver: quality outcomes sort of based get to business quickly present facts, ask them for their opinion.

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Kathy Gruver: Let them know it’s okay to make a mistake. I think that’s probably the biggest things with analytical is, I think, in some cases, they’re so afraid to say anything because they don’t want it to be wrong.

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Kathy Gruver: So they hold back until they know they have all the facts to get it to get it right. So just a couple, a couple tips for jumping across those borders and communicating with people. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s pretty simple to do. You know, like you said, I mean, you can kind of go back, rewind.

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Jason Mefford: Go back through kind of, you know, we gave you enough time to as you’re sitting there looking, you can kind of get an idea of

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Jason Mefford: Probably which of those your we you would fit into more. But, you know, more important even than just realizing what you are right, is, is start to try to, you know, identify what the other people are that you’re dealing with. Right. So again, yeah. Kathy sends me a text I need this. Okay.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t need to go rambling on

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I

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Jason Mefford: Know you just did that the

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Jason Mefford: RSS feed. I know.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh, and I hope you’re okay.

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Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Like seriously, I can’t tell you how many times a day. I send someone an email and go

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Kathy Gruver: should pray, ask them after hope you’re okay. During this crazy time of the pandemic. Hey, can I get from you, you know, it’s like I literally have to remember to not just be so direct because it’s like, to me in my head. That makes sense. Give me the RSS feed you, please.

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Jason Mefford: And so when I responded. Here’s the RSS feed. Boom. That was it. Right, because again it’s a direct kind of message because I know that that’s who. Cathy is if I’m dealing with somebody you know again. Who’s, who’s more the, the, the, would you call the amiable

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Jason Mefford: People think right was you know there, you know, there’d be a little bit more chit chat right back and forth is instead of send me the RSS feed.

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Jason Mefford: Oh. Hi, Jason, you know, hope, everything’s going well for you and thinking about you lately. You know, my, my cat just had kittens and I’m so excited for it. Oh, by the way, I don’t have a cat.

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Jason Mefford: My cat.

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Jason Mefford: You know, by the way, when you have time could you send me the RSS feed Link Right. That would be kind of how they would

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Jason Mefford: respond back or how that how they would have sent the message if you were amiable. So instead of just saying, here’s the link click right

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Jason Mefford: If I’m going to respond back to that person. I would say something like, oh, Cathy so glad to hear your cat had kittens. You must be so excited, you know, here’s the RSS feed that you wanted. Have a great rest of your day.

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Jason Mefford: Right, so I would I would respond differently in that email if I knew that you were more of that amiable characteristic. Yep.

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Kathy Gruver: We got it.

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Jason Mefford: But right so there’s there’s a concept. There’s a little exercise and there’s some practical takeaways for you.

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Jason Mefford: You know as well to help improve how you’re communicating with other people.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, I mean, the most important thing is how other people would

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Jason Mefford: Prefer to be communicated to

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely. And again, it’s all about adjusting ourselves. I can’t sit the amiable down and go. So if you’d stop chit chatting. I mean, I suppose I could isn’t just my direct person.

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Kathy Gruver: Or say you know I love talking with you. And in order to get stuff done. Why don’t we do business. First, we can chat afterwards if there’s time. You can adjust things like that.

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Kathy Gruver: But ultimately, it’s going to be us adjusting ourselves. So recognizing what those other people are

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Kathy Gruver: It’s going to be more efficient to get things done and you’re going to have less frustration.

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Kathy Gruver: It used to drive me crazy when somebody would go off in the story about the kittens. And I’m like, I don’t have time for that.

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Kathy Gruver: Now I recognize that and go okay this is their way of communicating

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Kathy Gruver: I get to have a little more patience with that I get to have a little more understanding with that I’m still going to get hurt. It’s just going to

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Kathy Gruver: Have to be a little roundabout way. So it takes frustration and stress off of us when we recognize other people’s communication style and we can adapt ourselves.

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Jason Mefford: Amen sister.

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Amy.

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Kathy Gruver: Excellent. Go forth communicate. How’s that

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Kathy Gruver: Go forth communicate learn which style you are

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Kathy Gruver: Rewind and look at the, look at the little quiz thing again. That was, that was from a workshop I did with Dale Carnegie Institute great people. And that’s it. I hope you guys all have a I’m going to be amiable, I hope you

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Jason Mefford: Have a great rest of the week.

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Kathy Gruver: Enjoy your kittens. Hope you’re feeling better. Sorry about your appt

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Kathy Gruver: Go forth prosper. We love you all.

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Kathy Gruver: Yes.

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Jason Mefford: Yes, yes, yes.

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Jason Mefford: And then I’ll be the more direct

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Jason Mefford: So have a great week. See ya.

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That’s it.

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Kathy Gruver: Hi Kathy Gruber. I always just say we’re looking at us. I’m can

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Kathy Gruver: be reached at Kathy gruber.com

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason method I can be reached at Jason method calm, go back, rewind figure out how you can improve your communication. Just, just do it a little bit. Just practice something this week and

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Jason Mefford: it’ll improve your relationships and we’ll catch you on the next fire and earth podcast. So, yeah.

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Yeah.