Fire & Earth Podcast E55: Learning More in the Bar Than the Classroom

We learn a lot in classrooms, but the real learning comes from experience and the reflection after the formal learning.

In this episode we discuss the benefits of taking some of the time to reflect and developing relationships with others. If you are like most people, often the greatest insights from a conference come in the hallways between sessions and the bars after sessions.

So come raise a glass with us, and learn some of the insights we have both received outside of the classroom.

Transcript

1
00:00:01.260 –> 00:00:05.910
Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Jason Medford

2
00:00:06.089 –> 00:00:10.200
Kathy Gruver: And I am Kathy gruver and today we are toasting

3
00:00:11.910 –> 00:00:12.480
Jason Mefford: We

4
00:00:13.019 –> 00:00:13.410
Blink.

5
00:00:14.429 –> 00:00:29.550
Kathy Gruver: Because we’re talking about learning and different types of learning, sort of, I just got back from a conference and convention, excuse me, and one of my clients SAID HOW WAS IT NICE OF YOU KNOW, I THINK I spent more time in the bar than the classroom. Now that could indicate risky drinking

6
00:00:30.720 –> 00:00:38.550
Kathy Gruver: Back and I realized that the learning doesn’t always just happen in the classroom. It happens all over the convention all over the office space all over the conference.

7
00:00:38.790 –> 00:00:44.310
Kathy Gruver: And so we’re going to talk a little bit about that today give you guys permission to put your books down leave the classroom and go socialize.

8
00:00:45.150 –> 00:00:51.330
Jason Mefford: Yeah, because I think it’s interesting, you know, a lot of times we we focus so much we feel like we just have to be

9
00:00:52.200 –> 00:01:01.710
Jason Mefford: You know, learning, learning, learning, learning, trying to fill our brain fill our brain and interesting because last week I actually went to a mastermind group that I’m a part of

10
00:01:02.220 –> 00:01:12.000
Jason Mefford: And. And one of the things that we’re talking about is, you know, learning happens through experience. But the real learning actually happens during reflection.

11
00:01:12.570 –> 00:01:20.520
Jason Mefford: So it’s those times you know after we’ve kind of filled our brain, full of stuff that we’re actually processing it

12
00:01:21.000 –> 00:01:36.480
Jason Mefford: And things end up coming about, you know, and it’s like, you know, again, you got a little drink in your hand, you kind of relax yourself a little bit. And it’s amazing how much your mind kind of opens up processes that information. And that’s really when you actually learn it.

13
00:01:37.020 –> 00:01:51.180
Kathy Gruver: Right. Well, absolutely, because we’ve talked about this before and I love using the word decent rate you know we concentrate so much is some point, you can only learn so much you can only sit in yet another classroom and get in a nother uncomfortable chair, kind of going

14
00:01:52.620 –> 00:02:07.710
Kathy Gruver: And especially with something that’s so heavy. Sometimes it’s hypnosis hypnotherapy, you know, all this kind of stuff, which is what I was doing in the UK. It got to the point where I couldn’t actually absorb any more information and I found myself every time I walk past the bar and

15
00:02:09.090 –> 00:02:12.840
Kathy Gruver: You know, or pass the restaurant or path. The lobby. That’s where

16
00:02:13.770 –> 00:02:20.760
Kathy Gruver: That’s where the conversations were happening. That’s where so many of the instructors were hanging out and you know we’ve had Mike mendell on the show, who’s a very dear friend of mine.

17
00:02:21.000 –> 00:02:27.510
Kathy Gruver: I spent the majority of the conference, talking with him and his colleagues and because he’s one of the tops in the field. What did that do

18
00:02:27.750 –> 00:02:35.910
Kathy Gruver: That attracted the other people who were tops in their field and I found myself sitting in a booth with five of probably the most famous well known most learned

19
00:02:36.360 –> 00:02:42.570
Kathy Gruver: hypnotist in the world. So a couple things came out of that one. I got to pick their brain because everyone’s when I go

20
00:02:43.110 –> 00:02:49.140
Kathy Gruver: For it well, and I’d asked a question, which of course he’s at that point, more than willing to answer because we’re all sitting around being friends.

21
00:02:49.620 –> 00:02:59.310
Kathy Gruver: And other people who came by and this sounds horrible. But it’s so unfortunately what things we think about business anytime anybody came by, they saw the tops in the field and

22
00:02:59.850 –> 00:03:01.380
Kathy Gruver: Me hanging over there.

23
00:03:01.560 –> 00:03:12.630
Kathy Gruver: Late so everyone started to go, Oh, who’s this Kathy person. So it’s sort of up to my credit in the industry because I’m sitting there with the best, you know. So I not only got to learn from that perspective.

24
00:03:13.260 –> 00:03:24.810
Kathy Gruver: Pick their brain form those relationships, which is what business is so much about social media. So we talked about is building relationships and I kind of got a little like up on my little popularity button there.

25
00:03:26.550 –> 00:03:29.220
Kathy Gruver: And being that I was under the school that no one liked. I want to be popular.

26
00:03:29.760 –> 00:03:43.530
Jason Mefford: Well, and so, so, you know, again, for some of the people that are listening right i mean how we’re going to try to tie this all and everything is, you know, here we are. I’m having sipping on my scotch, you know and and Kathy’s got her her wine there.

27
00:03:44.220 –> 00:03:45.600
Kathy Gruver: Take another drink. By the way, yeah I

28
00:03:45.840 –> 00:03:49.080
Jason Mefford: Feel like I’m Ron, why should I start smoking to

29
00:03:49.590 –> 00:03:51.990
Kathy Gruver: My surprise. Well, we did the smoke break one already.

30
00:03:53.910 –> 00:03:59.070
Jason Mefford: But the, you know, the whole idea is that that exactly kind of as Kathy was just talking about.

31
00:03:59.910 –> 00:04:10.260
Jason Mefford: If you want to really learn if you really want to develop relationships. Yeah, actually have to hang out with people and kind of a non structured format.

32
00:04:11.040 –> 00:04:21.720
Jason Mefford: And you know, I learned this fairly early in my career, I was an executive at a few companies and I will tell you the amount of business that is done.

33
00:04:22.380 –> 00:04:32.100
Jason Mefford: Between about 10 o’clock and midnight when again you’re sitting in the bar with the other executives or with another with a client.

34
00:04:32.880 –> 00:04:42.900
Jason Mefford: You’re relaxed, you’re enjoying each other’s company. It’s amazing the stuff that actually happens right during that time. And so

35
00:04:43.680 –> 00:04:57.870
Jason Mefford: You know, again, a lot of times we feel like all I got to learn. I gotta go. I gotta do I gotta Baba, Baba. Right. I always got to be moving. I got to be hustling. I got to be doing this. And it’s like, you know, calm the fuck down and actually pause right

36
00:04:59.220 –> 00:05:10.200
Jason Mefford: Because when we do that, it’s easier for us to actually make those connections with other people. Yep. Plus it, you know, like we said, a lot of the learning happens in the pausing

37
00:05:10.650 –> 00:05:16.140
Jason Mefford: So after you filled your brain full like being at a, at a conference or convention.

38
00:05:17.010 –> 00:05:29.790
Jason Mefford: Your, your brain is literally fall. And I don’t know if you’re like me, but a lot of times at the end of the day, it’s like PR. I just can’t take it anymore. Yeah, you know, kind of a thing. I just have to, especially since I’m such an introvert.

39
00:05:30.240 –> 00:05:37.770
Jason Mefford: I often have to kind of like, you know, go off to the corn her step outside for a little while and kind of decompress a little bit

40
00:05:38.190 –> 00:05:56.940
Jason Mefford: But as I as I’m sitting there or you know like that as I’m sitting around talking to other people in the in the break areas or at the bar, then it’s like, you know, a lot of that kind of inspiration and stuff coming in and it’s like, Oh, now I have more clarity on what I need to do. Yeah.

41
00:05:56.970 –> 00:05:59.880
Kathy Gruver: And it’s, it’s so funny because I actually never watch Mad Men.

42
00:06:00.450 –> 00:06:00.930
Jason Mefford: Oh, you didn’t

43
00:06:00.960 –> 00:06:01.380
Show.

44
00:06:02.640 –> 00:06:03.630
Jason Mefford: I really love this show.

45
00:06:03.750 –> 00:06:11.790
Kathy Gruver: But it kind of reminds me of that era where it’s like, you know, the old boys club. But the guys go to the bar towards they have their cigars and their cigarette in their drinks and that’s when this stuff happens and it’s

46
00:06:12.060 –> 00:06:17.610
Kathy Gruver: Interesting to bring a whole different perspective into this. I was talking to a client of mine, she’s

47
00:06:19.590 –> 00:06:22.290
Kathy Gruver: Like passionate about a lot of things.

48
00:06:25.650 –> 00:06:27.180
Kathy Gruver: she yells a lot. Um,

49
00:06:27.210 –> 00:06:28.200
So,

50
00:06:32.790 –> 00:06:45.270
Kathy Gruver: It’s really, it’s a very light wines very sweet. It’s basically grape juice. Okay, so, um, passionate client. Yeah. And we were talking about the whole meat to movement and I don’t want to make this political I have mixed views on the mutual movement, personally.

51
00:06:46.620 –> 00:06:50.460
Kathy Gruver: But one of the things she said that she thought this was how this was going to backfire to women is

52
00:06:50.730 –> 00:06:58.020
Kathy Gruver: If men are so paranoid to be around the women if they are so paranoid to socialize with the women if they’re so paranoid and being accused of blah, blah, blah. With the women.

53
00:06:58.650 –> 00:07:07.050
Kathy Gruver: When the men go out to the bar to do the business. They’re not inviting the women. And typically, it was more sort of a guy thing anyway but

54
00:07:07.950 –> 00:07:14.340
Kathy Gruver: The women like in sales and stuff aren’t getting the that personal access when those deals actually happen.

55
00:07:14.640 –> 00:07:20.280
Kathy Gruver: And she actually felt that the me to me. What was really going to backfire because women were going to be excluded from that kind of socializing.

56
00:07:20.640 –> 00:07:31.470
Kathy Gruver: For the men’s fear that they’re going to be put on charges for inviting woman to a bar and that they weren’t going to get as much work from it and I had to really sit and ponder that because I’m not in that realm, you know, um,

57
00:07:32.160 –> 00:07:35.820
Kathy Gruver: But I have to say the majority of times I’ve been at conventions or conferences.

58
00:07:36.330 –> 00:07:42.120
Kathy Gruver: It’s the guys that are doing that, you know, and I don’t know if the women feel like it needs to be more structured and this is of course a vast

59
00:07:42.390 –> 00:07:48.630
Kathy Gruver: blanket statement generalization. I don’t know if the women feel like it needs to be more structured, or if they’re off talking amongst themselves and not

60
00:07:49.110 –> 00:08:03.540
Kathy Gruver: crossing lines into the guys. I don’t know what it is but but that was an interesting point. And so it’s not too. It’s a get out of your click Get out of your group go talk to other people you don’t know tap into your inner extrovert Jason go talk to strangers.

61
00:08:03.660 –> 00:08:05.190
Jason Mefford: I do you do talk to strangers.

62
00:08:05.220 –> 00:08:06.810
Kathy Gruver: I know you do. That’s how we

63
00:08:06.810 –> 00:08:08.250
Jason Mefford: love talking to strangers.

64
00:08:08.430 –> 00:08:16.020
Kathy Gruver: I did a tail. Yep. We’ve had, I think we did a whole do we do a whole episode on that we still have yeah but it’s it’s that you know

65
00:08:17.340 –> 00:08:25.560
Kathy Gruver: Crossing over those people you don’t know and approaching them. And while I was sitting there with that you know the in crowd so many people kind of sheepishly K sheepishly came over to it. I

66
00:08:26.730 –> 00:08:36.300
Kathy Gruver: Don’t do you know it’s like do it talk to them if they don’t want to talk to you. They’ll tell you, but especially like a hypnosis conference where everybody’s there. It’s such a brotherhood sisterhood, you know,

67
00:08:36.750 –> 00:08:42.510
Kathy Gruver: Everybody’s open to talking to everybody else, or else they wouldn’t be sitting there, they’d be in the room, you know, so don’t be afraid to approach people

68
00:08:42.870 –> 00:08:48.540
Jason Mefford: One, I think, actually, as you brought that up. It kind of sparked a couple of thoughts in my mind because I think you’re right. You know, we’ve

69
00:08:49.140 –> 00:09:04.710
Jason Mefford: Especially in the workplace in business. Now we’re so walking on eggshells afraid that we’re going to offend somebody afraid that we’re in, do something. Now this is not to, you know, discount. There have been some frat boy kind of

70
00:09:04.740 –> 00:09:18.360
Jason Mefford: Bully oh on that’s just unacceptable, but I think, you know, again, it’s, we’re talking about some of these social settings is where we can actually show and be more authentically us

71
00:09:18.960 –> 00:09:35.040
Jason Mefford: Which we need to be right. I mean if if business if life becomes so sterile, then you’re never able to actually make the connections. You may not like everybody you know because, because again, like one of the guys that one of the executives that I used to hang out with a lot

72
00:09:37.080 –> 00:09:42.330
Jason Mefford: There was kind of a little mentor to me he was he was at the end of his career. I was kind of at the beginning of my career.

73
00:09:42.720 –> 00:09:52.350
Jason Mefford: And I learned a tremendous amount from him. And so he was he was from the old days of the two martini lunch. Yep, and sales guy and everything else. He had a bottle of scotch in his office.

74
00:09:52.890 –> 00:10:04.140
Jason Mefford: And I, you know, there were some people in the office that that kind of felt like you know he was unprofessional. Well, I’ll tell you what the guy performed. He was an amazing salesperson.

75
00:10:05.580 –> 00:10:19.140
Jason Mefford: And and you know he was who he was right. And so again, being who we are, can actually unlock and open up a lot of different things, you know, another TV show the crown.

76
00:10:20.280 –> 00:10:21.000
Kathy Gruver: Or saw that either.

77
00:10:21.210 –> 00:10:22.680
Jason Mefford: You never saw that either. Okay, well,

78
00:10:22.890 –> 00:10:37.140
Jason Mefford: I don’t watch or watching that. Now, you know, it’s about it’s about, you know, the British monarchy and there was an episode where because Princess Margaret who’s Queen Elizabeth’s sister as well. But she was more of a party girl.

79
00:10:38.160 –> 00:10:44.130
Jason Mefford: So she was always kind of like, you know, the royal family was a little embarrassed and kind of put her off to the side.

80
00:10:45.090 –> 00:10:57.540
Jason Mefford: Clean, but in this in this one episode in the latest series. It just came out, there was a point when the Brits needed to negotiate with the Americans.

81
00:10:58.020 –> 00:11:14.490
Jason Mefford: And Lyndon Johnson was the president at the time. And he was a very interesting man. Okay. And you know he didn’t want to talk to the Brits because he considered to be pompous arrogant pricks blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, kind of thing, right. So they sent Princess Margaret.

82
00:11:16.350 –> 00:11:25.800
Jason Mefford: To America for a trip. Anyway, and instead of accepting the Queen’s invitation for Johnson to go to the UK on a shooting trip.

83
00:11:26.490 –> 00:11:34.380
Jason Mefford: He said, instead, why don’t you have Princess Margaret drop by while she’s here in the States. Anyway, and we’ll do a dinner at the White House.

84
00:11:35.010 –> 00:11:54.390
Jason Mefford: And it ended up they both got a little drunk. They were dancing together, they were singing telling you know off color limericks everything else. Totally. You know down both of their lanes and they had this connection and when she walked away from that Johnson had agreed to a bailout.

85
00:11:55.590 –> 00:12:05.850
Jason Mefford: You know, in sending you know billions of pounds, if you will, to help England after the Second World War, because they got an a really tough financial situation.

86
00:12:06.390 –> 00:12:12.000
Jason Mefford: You know, so again, just like with learning, you know, as we’re talking about the relationships you know

87
00:12:12.480 –> 00:12:24.150
Jason Mefford: You can learn more in the bar than you can in the classroom. Sometimes you can develop more of a relationship with people and actually get stuff done, that when you’re not trying to be so rigid, so

88
00:12:25.770 –> 00:12:42.150
Jason Mefford: Anything and actually just let yourself out be who you are and you will attract and be able to do the things that you need to in your life and in helping the world and others around you as well. Yes.

89
00:12:42.390 –> 00:12:44.130
Kathy Gruver: So I do the caveat on that though.

90
00:12:44.340 –> 00:12:48.990
Kathy Gruver: Oh, be who you are unless you’re a drunk, asshole.

91
00:12:50.910 –> 00:12:52.440
Jason Mefford: If we go long enough, maybe. No, no.

92
00:12:55.980 –> 00:12:57.270
Jason Mefford: Don’t be a drunk, asshole.

93
00:12:57.360 –> 00:13:01.020
Kathy Gruver: I do want to be. I do want to do drunk fire and Earth at some point. But not today.

94
00:13:01.290 –> 00:13:07.680
Kathy Gruver: As we have another show to do. We don’t want to do that. But what I’m saying is I have been to events where

95
00:13:08.640 –> 00:13:13.080
Kathy Gruver: And I’m not talking about the cut loose Christmas party where inevitably someone should face.

96
00:13:14.070 –> 00:13:21.630
Kathy Gruver: I’m talking about a mixer where you get your drink tickets and you’re supposed to be, you know, it’s a business function.

97
00:13:22.080 –> 00:13:36.120
Kathy Gruver: And I have seen people act so vastly and appropriate. They’re dressing appropriately. They bring too many guests. They are drunk and they’re dancing on tables and they’re knocking stuff down. And if you cannot handle alcohol.

98
00:13:36.930 –> 00:13:37.440
Jason Mefford: Don’t do I

99
00:13:38.640 –> 00:13:53.550
Kathy Gruver: Do not put yourself in that kind of situation because in that sense. You are not creating bonds. You are not making business happen you’re making a fool of yourself. And if you don’t know that that’s you ask your friends.

100
00:13:54.660 –> 00:14:09.090
Kathy Gruver: No, I’m serious, like have someone babysit you because I cannot tell you how many events. I’ve been at worse. I was like, I guess my my purse and I end up walking around with five persons, because everybody’s intoxicated. I’m the Capricorn going. I’m gonna be everyone’s mom.

101
00:14:10.200 –> 00:14:19.110
Kathy Gruver: Everyone’s mom right now. So there is that place just like anything there is that place of balance and you want to unlock your potential. You don’t want to unlock your inner stripper so

102
00:14:20.700 –> 00:14:20.970
Jason Mefford: Yes.

103
00:14:22.620 –> 00:14:23.850
Jason Mefford: Very true, very true.

104
00:14:24.090 –> 00:14:32.760
Kathy Gruver: Anyway, keep it professional and like you said, with the whole Princess Margaret thing and the the Lyndon B. Johnson that that synergy worked. Yeah.

105
00:14:34.020 –> 00:14:41.970
Kathy Gruver: That’s probably the exception, not the rule. And I had a business friend who when he would entertain all these other sales people.

106
00:14:42.390 –> 00:14:48.660
Kathy Gruver: He knew he was not a drinker, and they always kind of got on his case, he wasn’t a drinker. So he would show up to the bar.

107
00:14:49.140 –> 00:14:55.770
Kathy Gruver: ahead of everybody else. And he would get a Diet Coke with some ice with a thing. So it looked like a cocktail.

108
00:14:56.340 –> 00:15:00.960
Kathy Gruver: And he would say to the waitress. Every time I say to you bring me another of the same

109
00:15:01.290 –> 00:15:10.080
Kathy Gruver: Spare me and others that bill think I’m drinking and so he had this whole thing set up ahead of time so it looked like he was keeping pace with them drink for drink and in reality he was having soda.

110
00:15:10.650 –> 00:15:22.740
Kathy Gruver: Do whatever you need to do to get the job done and to take care of yourself and don’t make a fool of yourself. So put those protections in place in those protections in place if you need them. Because the last thing you want is you don’t want to be that guy.

111
00:15:23.640 –> 00:15:37.980
Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s just like you know we did the other episode on taking smoke breaks you know it’s not it’s not like we’re advocating, you know, everybody goes out and get SHIT FACED, you know, during business meetings. But the idea is, again, when we’re in a more

112
00:15:39.090 –> 00:15:44.820
Jason Mefford: relaxed environment, you know, again, we’re just using the bar, kind of as a metaphor. And again, some of the

113
00:15:44.820 –> 00:15:58.710
Jason Mefford: Places where you and I have actually experienced some of this you know firsthand is is it’s more about again trying to make that connection relaxing your brain, you know, being a little bit more authentically you

114
00:15:59.730 –> 00:16:12.390
Jason Mefford: To be able to, again, like I said, either process the information develop the deeper relationships with people you know because there’s, there’s a lot of good that comes out of that pause time

115
00:16:13.440 –> 00:16:16.170
Jason Mefford: That, that, you know, you don’t learn everything in the classroom.

116
00:16:18.630 –> 00:16:21.420
Kathy Gruver: And you can’t at some point, you’re right, your brain is full and you’re just kind of going on.

117
00:16:21.960 –> 00:16:25.740
Kathy Gruver: And I remember the first couple hypnotherapy conferences. I went to Vegas.

118
00:16:26.070 –> 00:16:36.270
Kathy Gruver: It was like I was back in junior high. I mean, I would. I sat there with the schedule and I marked out the classes. I wanted to go to and if there was a block of time where one of the classes didn’t totally is it I’m like

119
00:16:36.600 –> 00:16:45.450
Kathy Gruver: I should probably go and I would pick one. I would force myself to go. I did not miss one minute of class time and then I began to realize

120
00:16:46.080 –> 00:16:50.910
Kathy Gruver: Okay, I’m kind of the only one doing this. And it’s funny because now this is my i think

121
00:16:51.480 –> 00:16:57.540
Kathy Gruver: It’ll be my sixth year and hip no thoughts live, which is one of the biggest hypnotherapy conferences in the world. Vegas every year so much fun.

122
00:16:58.080 –> 00:17:03.000
Kathy Gruver: And I realized that I’m barely in classes anymore. Not because I know everything.

123
00:17:03.840 –> 00:17:10.800
Kathy Gruver: Because I totally don’t. And if there was a topic like this. This one I just went to in the UK. There was a hypnosis for grieving.

124
00:17:11.580 –> 00:17:12.510
Kathy Gruver: And loss.

125
00:17:13.050 –> 00:17:21.510
Kathy Gruver: Especially with what I went through and I have so many clients who I have helped with grieving and loss. I thought I actually don’t know how to do that. I mean, I have techniques that work sort of across the board.

126
00:17:21.690 –> 00:17:26.700
Kathy Gruver: Wanted to see what she had to say. So I actually, I left the bar. At that point, like, guys. I really want to go to this class.

127
00:17:27.330 –> 00:17:35.910
Kathy Gruver: If there’s someone you really want to go do then feel free to step away and say, now this is actually going to help me, but don’t feel obligated to sit through every second of class.

128
00:17:36.210 –> 00:17:39.630
Kathy Gruver: I felt like those first couple years I missed out on one so much fun.

129
00:17:39.960 –> 00:17:45.480
Kathy Gruver: And to getting to know other people and making those connections, because I was so rigid in my little Capricorn mind.

130
00:17:45.750 –> 00:17:52.410
Kathy Gruver: My type A, you have to go to class. That’s what you’re paying for that I kind of missed out on others, other things. So there is that place of balance. I mean,

131
00:17:52.710 –> 00:18:03.690
Kathy Gruver: To me, I’m not going to spend the entire time in the bar. I do know, I do want to go to some of the classes but find that place of balance for you and maybe it’s 5050 or maybe 7030 maybe there’s other numbers. I can’t do math. I don’t know.

132
00:18:04.590 –> 00:18:06.900
Jason Mefford: Where you got both of them right you know 5050 7030

133
00:18:06.930 –> 00:18:07.260
Jason Mefford: Or do

134
00:18:07.500 –> 00:18:08.550
Jason Mefford: They do equal hundred

135
00:18:10.590 –> 00:18:13.020
Kathy Gruver: To see my work popping up the guy next to me.

136
00:18:13.080 –> 00:18:14.850
Kathy Gruver: Oh I arrived at that

137
00:18:16.050 –> 00:18:16.860
Kathy Gruver: We see your work.

138
00:18:17.880 –> 00:18:19.260
Kathy Gruver: No, let me see your work. Yeah.

139
00:18:20.520 –> 00:18:20.940
Jason Mefford: Yeah.

140
00:18:21.090 –> 00:18:21.990
Kathy Gruver: Any final thoughts on that.

141
00:18:22.740 –> 00:18:31.830
Jason Mefford: Well, I don’t know. I mean, we’ve got we’ve been going for a little bit. We maybe have a couple more minutes. Because what I was wondering. Then, too, is you know you had the opportunity to sit around with five

142
00:18:32.760 –> 00:18:42.840
Jason Mefford: Of the top hypnotist in the world. Maybe there were some little things that you learn to that might be beneficial for people just kind of throw out a couple of things that you were actually able to learn

143
00:18:43.140 –> 00:18:48.630
Jason Mefford: Yeah, in the bar, instead of the classroom that might be helpful for others that are listening to

144
00:18:48.960 –> 00:19:04.830
Kathy Gruver: Yeah, you know, it’s and as a presenter myself, you know, everybody has this idea of what the speaker is of what the presenter is of what the expert is and what was so fabulous is at one point I was sitting there, as I think it was after the last class of the day. So we’re all

145
00:19:05.940 –> 00:19:06.570
Kathy Gruver: Back in the bar.

146
00:19:07.620 –> 00:19:19.830
Kathy Gruver: And I was talking to Freddie Jacqueline, who is one of the best he developed this technique called the arrow technique, any of the hypnotist watch it go oh my god and pretty Jacqueline him and he is just he’s he’s amazing

147
00:19:20.280 –> 00:19:30.780
Kathy Gruver: And I was saying there with Mike Mandel and and pretty Jacqueline and his son Anthony Jacqueline, who’s also a world famous hypnotist and I started talking with Freddie about one of the classes. He taught back in Vegas.

148
00:19:31.650 –> 00:19:47.520
Kathy Gruver: And how he did. He took everyone’s pain away. He had like 10 people up on stage took their pain away and he did the whole subscale ago was an eight. Now it says zero. It was a 10 now it’s a two. It was a seven. Now it’s in something and the one guy said, I’m at a five and Freddie said

149
00:19:49.020 –> 00:20:04.530
Kathy Gruver: When you go back to your seat and then a couple minutes when you realize I’m probably gonna cry when you realize that your pain is gone, you’re going to rush up on stage and say, Freddie. I love you and he continues on with this glass and about 10 as I used to this guy go

150
00:20:05.730 –> 00:20:16.590
Kathy Gruver: And he jumped out of his chair and he interrupts what’s happening. And he rushes to the front grabs Friday and says, Freddie. I love you and the entire audience just cries and Freddie and I were talking about that.

151
00:20:17.460 –> 00:20:21.510
Kathy Gruver: And what came out of that for me was this isn’t just a guy who teach your shit.

152
00:20:21.990 –> 00:20:30.780
Kathy Gruver: This is a guy who shares every bit of his knowledge, who has such compassion and such love for the people that he works with his students his clients his patients.

153
00:20:31.230 –> 00:20:40.350
Kathy Gruver: And that really moved clearly someone moved me to something because it’s like there. It isn’t just this sterile teaching environment there is that humanity behind it.

154
00:20:40.620 –> 00:20:47.280
Kathy Gruver: And I think sometimes we forget that. Because people when I’m speaking, they don’t want to approach me and it’s like I’m just like you.

155
00:20:48.150 –> 00:20:53.730
Kathy Gruver: So if nothing else, you realize there’s a humanity and there was a caring and there was an openness behind all of that.

156
00:20:54.120 –> 00:21:02.640
Kathy Gruver: And I think that’s one of the things I walked away with was literally we’re all sitting at this table crying about the things that happened three months ago that we all experienced again, you know, so it was that

157
00:21:03.360 –> 00:21:11.520
Kathy Gruver: That coming together in that personal way we’re all human, you know, so even if we’re the keynote. We’re still a human.

158
00:21:12.240 –> 00:21:17.790
Kathy Gruver: And unless you’re a deck, you’re going to be friendly to the people that come up and talk to you. Now I’ve approached. Some speakers who were just like,

159
00:21:18.960 –> 00:21:26.670
Kathy Gruver: You know, and they think they’re in this separate little thing because there are speakers like you’re fucking not your another human being and you just happen to have a bigger check than everybody else on the stage right now.

160
00:21:27.240 –> 00:21:36.660
Kathy Gruver: Or not, you know, um, so I think that’s one of the things I got out of it. The other thing was I got to clarify stuff because it’s like I’ve studied with these people and watch their videos I’ve been in their classrooms.

161
00:21:37.050 –> 00:21:50.520
Kathy Gruver: And now I could turn to Mike mendell or you know these people and go hey, you did this thing. What can I clarify what can you tell me, so I had that almost sort of one on one opportunity which is is sort of rare.

162
00:21:50.880 –> 00:21:56.250
Kathy Gruver: To say you taught me this thing or hey, you know, I was working with that with myself, how does that

163
00:21:56.880 –> 00:22:04.590
Kathy Gruver: Work or what would you suggest or hey, I have this client to now you don’t want to take advantage of that. You don’t want to offer you know you don’t want to completely monopolize their time and

164
00:22:04.800 –> 00:22:11.820
Kathy Gruver: spend two hours discussing your clients with them. Again, that’s that place of balance. But in that environment. It was OK. And it was welcome.

165
00:22:12.660 –> 00:22:20.580
Kathy Gruver: Always ask hey you know I’m hat. Can I ask you a question about this technique that you taught because there are some times like you were I’m done speaking and I’m

166
00:22:20.940 –> 00:22:22.500
Kathy Gruver: I seriously just want to sit there and drink.

167
00:22:22.980 –> 00:22:33.000
Kathy Gruver: Or rest or, you know, I don’t want to continue the business. So I always check in. Hey, Fred. Is it okay if I asked you about this thing that you taught and normally they go, Yes.

168
00:22:33.300 –> 00:22:42.000
Kathy Gruver: Hopefully they have strong enough boundaries that they go, you know what, I’d love to answer that question. I’m totally wiped right now I just need a couple minutes to yeah yeah

169
00:22:42.870 –> 00:22:51.540
Jason Mefford: Well, I think it’s interesting because, you know, as you share that that story about Freddie, you know, I mean, our whole, the whole purpose behind this is to help people.

170
00:22:52.530 –> 00:23:04.320
Jason Mefford: unlock their potential. Right. And it’s, it’s, you know, I think that’s one of the lessons, too, is he’s probably so good because he cares so much

171
00:23:04.410 –> 00:23:18.360
Jason Mefford: Absolutely right. And that that’s that’s a lesson for all of us that you know a lot of people are talking about being authentic and and I think some people kind of, you know, misinterpret or misunderstand what that really means.

172
00:23:19.080 –> 00:23:23.160
Jason Mefford: But when you have somebody like that who really does have that alignment.

173
00:23:23.910 –> 00:23:43.020
Jason Mefford: And know that they’re doing it because they care about people, you know, I’m just trying to get in his head. You know, but I can, I can imagine that when he finished that session when he told that man when you feel that run back up and say, Freddie. I love you. That wasn’t an ego thing.

174
00:23:43.470 –> 00:23:43.890
Kathy Gruver: How

175
00:23:44.370 –> 00:23:51.180
Jason Mefford: There wasn’t an ego thing. It was a, I can only imagine that probably on stage. He was like, shit.

176
00:23:51.690 –> 00:24:06.210
Jason Mefford: This guy supposed to be at a zero. Why is he not a zero. Did I fail him, you know, kind of a thing. And so that’s why he gives him that command of you are going to recognize you are going to, you are going to get there. And when you do, I want you to recognize it.

177
00:24:06.390 –> 00:24:14.850
Jason Mefford: Yep, and be grateful for it. And that’s, you know, really kind of the reason for it and like you said, I think it’s a great

178
00:24:16.170 –> 00:24:19.710
Jason Mefford: Example that the greatest people

179
00:24:20.850 –> 00:24:21.810
Jason Mefford: Care, the most

180
00:24:22.590 –> 00:24:30.090
Kathy Gruver: And they’re willing to share. And that’s what one of the things I told Freddie’s we’re sitting there talking is, you know, he created all these amazing techniques and he’s not

181
00:24:30.750 –> 00:24:42.270
Kathy Gruver: I have a problem with role thing. If any of you all watching what role thing is it’s it’s like massage, but it’s very deep you do it in 10 sessions and Delilah I roll when she invented invented that

182
00:24:43.470 –> 00:24:49.800
Kathy Gruver: She patented it she trademarked it if you say the word roll thing and you’re not a certified role for you will frickin get arrested and like

183
00:24:49.980 –> 00:24:57.360
Kathy Gruver: She was so and her group. I don’t know how much she had to do with that. But they were so protective of that. And so selfish of that and you can’t call yourself a real

184
00:24:57.870 –> 00:25:03.630
Kathy Gruver: I hate shit like that. It’s like, I totally understand. You want to hang on to your stuff that you came up with and

185
00:25:04.320 –> 00:25:08.460
Kathy Gruver: Same thing with resource therapy. I’m studying that right now, which is one of the things that Mike Mandel mentioned

186
00:25:08.850 –> 00:25:14.760
Kathy Gruver: Everything that Mike teaches everything that Freddie teaches everything that Emerson is teaching out of Australia with resource therapy. They’re like,

187
00:25:15.000 –> 00:25:21.300
Kathy Gruver: Take it, use it. I didn’t hadn’t it I didn’t train go do this help people with it.

188
00:25:21.570 –> 00:25:27.150
Kathy Gruver: You know, and that’s one of the things that I actually told Freddie was I said I love that you are so willing to share

189
00:25:27.360 –> 00:25:36.240
Kathy Gruver: That you give us everything you have and you encourage us to use it you encourage us to steal from you, you know, because that we were all helping more people. And that’s what it’s all about.

190
00:25:36.900 –> 00:25:38.040
Jason Mefford: It’s all about helping people.

191
00:25:39.930 –> 00:25:44.850
Jason Mefford: And again, one of the ways you can do it is hanging out in the bar, instead of the classroom.

192
00:25:49.200 –> 00:25:51.300
Kathy Gruver: dragging your feet can’t drink it.

193
00:25:51.540 –> 00:25:51.930
Jason Mefford: I know

194
00:25:52.080 –> 00:25:53.670
Kathy Gruver: We’re gonna be so unproductive tonight.

195
00:25:54.900 –> 00:25:55.860
Jason Mefford: We’re not

196
00:25:59.730 –> 00:26:00.870
Salty sweet. Okay.

197
00:26:04.590 –> 00:26:07.260
Kathy Gruver: Well, I guess that’s it that’s probably right. So,

198
00:26:07.380 –> 00:26:08.370
Jason Mefford: Summary right

199
00:26:09.570 –> 00:26:09.900
Kathy Gruver: Right.

200
00:26:10.200 –> 00:26:11.100
Go drink.

201
00:26:12.690 –> 00:26:22.140
Jason Mefford: Or at least hang out where other people are hanging out right where you can. And again, and a lot of times in some of the business settings or conventions that happens to be the bar.

202
00:26:22.620 –> 00:26:29.940
Jason Mefford: doesn’t necessarily have to be the bar. But the whole idea is, again, right, that we we don’t get so caught up.

203
00:26:30.540 –> 00:26:45.240
Jason Mefford: In the mechanics of trying to learn in the classroom. Remember that learning happens through experience by actually doing. But even more learning actually happens when you pause and reflect

204
00:26:45.630 –> 00:26:56.790
Kathy Gruver: And in those relationships and in that hallway and then that lounge. And in that I have met connections with people in the bathroom where they’re like oh my God hears that and we end up. No, you know nothing. You should pick people up in the bathroom.

205
00:26:59.580 –> 00:27:00.840
Jason Mefford: will hopefully everybody can get

206
00:27:00.900 –> 00:27:01.740
Kathy Gruver: Grant taught us that

207
00:27:02.130 –> 00:27:02.910
Jason Mefford: Little behind it.

208
00:27:04.230 –> 00:27:04.770
Jason Mefford: Okay, I

209
00:27:05.940 –> 00:27:07.440
Jason Mefford: Want to go there right now, but anyway.

210
00:27:07.620 –> 00:27:08.160
Kathy Gruver: Okay, we don’t

211
00:27:10.110 –> 00:27:22.470
Kathy Gruver: Go anywhere. Perfect. But anyway, the point is, don’t you know let your inner Capricorn go and don’t be so strict about not socializing. Because sometimes it’s the socializing where that stuff happens. So, yeah, yeah.

212
00:27:23.760 –> 00:27:33.180
Jason Mefford: Alright, well go forth. Have a great rest of the week start applying some of these things take time to pause and actually learn so that you can really unlock your potential

213
00:27:33.660 –> 00:27:45.420
Jason Mefford: Live up to you know who it is that you are and really be able to care and make a change in this world. And we’ll see you on a future episode of the fire and earth podcasts.

214
00:27:46.710 –> 00:27:49.200
Kathy Gruver: I’m Kathy Gruber and I can be reached at Kathy Griffin calm.

215
00:27:49.650 –> 00:27:54.060
Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason method I can be reached at Jason effort calm. See, yeah.

216
00:27:54.360 –> 00:27:54.900
Yeah.