E200 Success and Confidence Habits #1

What makes some people so confident and successful, while others struggle and are frustrated? Is it what they do?

Research says it’s the habits they practice, in fact all successful people practice some of the same habits.

In this special Jamming With Jason 3 part series we feature the #fireandearthpodcast where we talk about two of those previously mentioned habits. So listen in to learn how you can start practicing these habits in your life to unlock your limitless potential.

And since this is a series, you will want to listen to all three success and confidence habit episodes and share with your friends and family.

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire North podcast i’m your co host Jason Mefford.

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Kathy Gruver: And I am Kathy gruver welcome back we’re so excited to be here with you.

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Kathy Gruver: Today, as always, as you can see, we don’t have a guest today.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s just us it’s just us so Jason are going to talk about ways to be a good leader he’s got a very phenomenal list of things so we’re going to cover a couple of those and then you’re gonna have to tune in.

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Kathy Gruver: To the next one or a future one to hear the rest of them we’re going to give you a little cliffhanger there no.

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Jason Mefford: kind of feel like Paul Harvey today, you know, and now, for the rest of the story.

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Jason Mefford: yeah you know you don’t.

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Jason Mefford: have to wait until the end or turn to page 13 for the story.

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Kathy Gruver: which I never understood this, the whole newspaper like magazine thing like at the end there’s, just like the ends of like five different articles it’s very confusing because I didn’t realize that as a kid so I.

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Kathy Gruver: was like.

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Kathy Gruver: What is cat litter boxes have to do with peace in Israel, I mean like I you know it just was very confusing to me so.

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Jason Mefford: yeah yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Great well, maybe not anyway yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: we’re going to be here and, as always, should.

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Kathy Gruver: share some tips tricks and tools to unleashing your limitless potential.

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Jason Mefford: Yes, we thought we talked about this i’ve been doing a lot of work about some of the different habits of successful leaders okay and.

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Jason Mefford: Specifically in some of the groups that I that I serve and what’s interesting you know is is, you can have a lot of people think that success is about what what you do, but it’s actually not about what you do it’s about how you do it and the person that you’re actually being.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, and so you know, again, you might be thinking well what what are you talking about that doesn’t make any sense well.

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Jason Mefford: How, you know i’m sure you’ve seen this too right where you know, two different people do the same thing, but they get completely different results happens all the time.

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Jason Mefford: Right and so because the reason is it’s not so much about the doing it’s about the person that’s doing the doing how they’re being.

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Jason Mefford: So so yeah we thought we’d go through, and we talk, talk about a couple of them today i’ve got a list of seven will get through a few today you’ll have to listen in the future for other other ones right.

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Kathy Gruver: we’ll do three and a half.

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Jason Mefford: will do three three and a half, leave them hanging on the one right.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s 37 has the second.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and if you’re trying to find page 37 in the podcast good luck, because it’s not agitated oh anyway.

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Jason Mefford: agitated I know there’s there’s a $10 word for the day.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s a good word, why is it page and pagination why isn’t it page unaided.

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Jason Mefford: Probably is, as we speak English and we just do everything in a bastard way in English.

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Yes.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, so so let’s just talk let’s just go through we’ll talk about a couple of.

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Jason Mefford: Right, so the first one is focusing on relationships.

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Jason Mefford: So people that are successful, they focus on relationships again, you might be sitting here listening this going door cry.

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Jason Mefford: But, are you actually focusing on relationships, maybe not right, because I don’t know if this happens to you Kathy but.

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Jason Mefford: You know, as as we get busy we get this huge long to do list these tasks, these projects that we have to do.

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Jason Mefford: And, most of us default back to just check in off the tasks checking off the projects because we got to get it done, and so you know, usually what ends up happening is we steamroll over other people.

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Jason Mefford: In trying to get done what we have to get done, and so we kind of throw that relationship piece out of the mix.

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Jason Mefford: And you know I learned that early on in my career and I remember getting set down by my chief financial officer and kind of had the finger waved at me and she said, you know Jason you’re you’re really good at doing your job.

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Jason Mefford: But, but right, so you know what somebody says, but you’re about to get smacked right.

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Jason Mefford: yeah then she said, but you you tend to steamroll people and run over them.

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Jason Mefford: To get done what you need to do.

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Jason Mefford: Right and again that was like that was a big wake up call for me right, it was a young executive, so you know, like said Kathy I mean i’m sure you’ve probably seen that in your life to write the people who focus on relationships versus the people that are.

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Jason Mefford: Just focused on getting shit done.

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Kathy Gruver: yep well and to add to that, I mean if you look at something like linkedin or social media, the whole point of that is to build relationships.

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Kathy Gruver: And how often does someone connect with you on linkedin and then 10 seconds later, you get this 30 paragraph sales pitch it’s like I don’t know you.

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Kathy Gruver: Like I don’t know who you are I don’t you know it’s great for you to say what you offer, but I don’t need a 30 paragraph sales pitch and my uncle who.

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Kathy Gruver: Like classic salesman he sold cardboard and cardboard boxes, like, I never understood as a kid of.

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Jason Mefford: Money and corrugated I used to work in industry.

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Kathy Gruver: It was hilarious because, as a kid like we’d all go out to dinner and he’d stop as we’re leaving the restaurant like go through the recycling and like look at boxes my dad and I are like.

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Kathy Gruver: Because I didn’t understand why he was looking to see where they got their cardboard, which was now I get it, but when I started doing more speaking stuff and I was reaching out to.

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Kathy Gruver: kind of pitch myself, he said Cathy here’s, the key to sales if they like you they’ll see you if they trust you they’ll buy from you.

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Kathy Gruver: And it’s about building those relationships and the other thing that i’m seeing a lot of and it’s so funny when you started this your sentence and you went relationships da.

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Kathy Gruver: I don’t know that it’s done, I think most people don’t think about it anymore, I think we’re so.

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Kathy Gruver: focused on self and so focused on what I want, I want to get stuff done, the thing that i’m seeing right now is people are building relationships with those people they think can help them.

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Kathy Gruver: And they’re completely forgetting about the rest, you know I have, I know a business owner right now now granted he’s a raging narcissist like in the classical.

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Kathy Gruver: sense of that he’s a narcissist and if he thinks that these people will be important if he thinks they’ll admire him and away if he thinks they will boost what he wants he’s the nicest guy in the world, but he treats his own staff like shit.

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Kathy Gruver: And it’s like I can sit back and watch this and I find it so irritating because you know I grew up in a family, where relationships was was the thing.

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Kathy Gruver: My dad was so personable he was everybody loved my dad he was the nicest guy like no one could complain about my dad.

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Kathy Gruver: So it’s like that’s how I was raised of you’re nice to people you’re friendly you’re funny you know you you build that rapport and so to see people who run businesses who aren’t doing that I think that’s.

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Kathy Gruver: Well they’re doing themselves a disservice because their staff hates them, it sounds like you’re not building those relationships internally or externally.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s interesting because as you’re talking about that you know, like this business owner that you’re referring to.

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Jason Mefford: Adam grant talks about you know takers matters and givers as well as the terms that he has right.

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Jason Mefford: And if you and, if you think about it right, I mean if you’re in that just check the box got to get stuff done scanning it and saying what can I get from this person you’re a taker right you’re just trying to take from other people.

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Jason Mefford: Now if if if somebody were to come in and if I were to come into your House right and take something What would you call me a thief.

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Jason Mefford: Right, why are you taking my car taking my book.

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Jason Mefford: Taking my whatever.

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Jason Mefford: Right, so if I come into your space, and I take something from you we’d be pretty pissed off right because we’d look at that person and think that person stealing from me.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah yeah.

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Jason Mefford: But how many people take take take take take and they think it’s okay.

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Jason Mefford: All right, I mean I get this all the time, you know, like you said I get hundreds of messages a week from people that just want to take.

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Jason Mefford: me, without ever having any kind of a relationship.

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Jason Mefford: And so again we’ve we’ve used the analogy before right it’s like if you’re dating somebody on the first date you go you don’t go hey let’s start making babies right you go.

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Jason Mefford: You might but you’re probably going to get slapped in the face.

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Kathy Gruver: What about the practicing making babies.

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Jason Mefford: Is Oh, there you go.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, but usually there has to be some relationship.

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Kathy Gruver: built right yeah.

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Jason Mefford: And again, especially in our desire to be so productive right everything in our day has to be so productive, we have to be checking off the list we really have forgotten how important relationships are.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: it’s one of the reasons to why you know people are depressed they feel alone it’s because you’re just taking from people and you’re not actually developing those relationships.

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Kathy Gruver: And it takes work.

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Kathy Gruver: You know, it really does take work, and you know I realized a couple years ago it’s like I see clients.

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Kathy Gruver: And I see it, that’s my husband.

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Kathy Gruver: That was it now I have developed friendships with most of my massage clients just because you can’t help it you see them every week for years you’re going to develop that rapport in that relationship.

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Kathy Gruver: But I suddenly realized it’s like I don’t have girlfriends like if I need if I need something or if I want to go hang out or if I.

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Kathy Gruver: Who am I calling, you know so it’s just as important to have those personal relationships built up as it as those business ones and.

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Kathy Gruver: Everybody is so busy, and then you’ve got friends with kids and then you’ve got frank, you know, but I have been going out of my way for the last couple of years to make sure we’ve got people coming over to our night for one.

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Kathy Gruver: You know I invite people over constantly because I want to share that time in that space with them and the household wine that I have.

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Kathy Gruver: You know I want to share that with people and build those relationships and have that rapport because it enriches our lives, it makes us fuller.

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Kathy Gruver: And I think that was one of the big stressors during coven was.

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Kathy Gruver: We didn’t have that social interaction that we so desperately need we are social animals, even if you’re an introvert.

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Kathy Gruver: We are social animals we need that interaction, so I love the building relationships, I think that’s that’s I love that it’s first to because I do think that’s key to so many other things.

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Jason Mefford: Well it’s interesting because, like you said to you know it different points in all of our lives, we need something Okay, I mean i’ve lived long enough that I know that there’s been certain times in my life that I need something or I need someone’s help.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and I know, in the future it’s going to be that way as well right there’s going to be some something that happens in the future i’ve.

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Jason Mefford: Not even thought about or contemplated but i’m going to need somebody help now if if you haven’t talked to somebody.

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Jason Mefford: In 10 or 15 years and the first thing they do is call you and ask you for money or ask for whatever it is that they need chances are you’re probably not going to reciprocate right.

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Jason Mefford: Right and so again, you wouldn’t want people doing that to you so don’t do that to other people.

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Jason Mefford: yeah right you’ve got to develop those relationships along the way, and yes, in the future, your friends are going to they’re going to want to help you.

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Jason Mefford: But you have had you have to have had that relationship over time, or else they’re going to just feel like they’re being taken advantage of.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: I feel like you’re being taken advantage of by somebody else.

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Jason Mefford: That in a real relationship right that’s me sneaking in your House and stealing your stuff okay yeah don’t do that.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, that to that to that to that.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: All right, I.

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Jason Mefford: Remove that, from my to do list for this week.

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Kathy Gruver: Excellent well, I mean there’s some stuff we could probably get rid of.

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Kathy Gruver: My boyfriend would like me to get rid of the rat skeleton but you know that’s just it’s art so.

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Kathy Gruver: When next time we do what’s on my desk i’ll bring down the red skelton it’s terrifying it’s terrifying I was massaging a client.

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Kathy Gruver: And I needed to get my car from the car thing I just an oil change and I knew it was on the way to his house when he was going home.

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Kathy Gruver: And I said hey you know, I have a favor to ask you Would you mind after your massage if you’re not rushing off to somewhere, could you just drop me at the car place so I can pick up my car and he goes.

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Kathy Gruver: Kathy Thank you so much for asking he goes I would love to be of service and that way you help so many people, and it is the least I can do for you is to get you to drop off your car Thank you so much for letting me do that for you and I was like.

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Kathy Gruver: wow that’s a relationship, you know that is people helping each other and being of service to each other, so if.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s kind of slightly off topic, but if you need if you do need something from someone.

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Kathy Gruver: ask them people who love you want to help, so you know reach out to those relationships that you built know the level of that relationship and.

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Kathy Gruver: You know don’t be afraid to ask when you need something that was just such a beautiful lesson for me when he was so thankful to get to help me do something so that’s kind of cool.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and that’s a good lesson, because so much of the time we feel like we’re imposing on people.

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Jason Mefford: By asking right, but again, if you have there if you have the relationship with someone.

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Jason Mefford: It actually benefits the other person, it allows them to serve and like you said that that man that was like i’ve so much want to drop you off right a lot of people want to serve and want to help out we just we don’t know how.

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Jason Mefford: That and so actually asking for the help or allowing other people to serve benefits them, but it also benefits us.

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Kathy Gruver: As well totally yeah it was a really neat lesson so yeah I was, I was, I always think about that.

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Jason Mefford: yeah so that’s one of the first habits.

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Jason Mefford: And again.

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Jason Mefford: it’s called a habit why because you’re you’re being someone who is in relationship with other people and so you’re constantly being the person like your dad and your uncle I think right.

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Jason Mefford: Who are just these gregarious happy people that are always developing relationships doing what they can.

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Jason Mefford: To help others and develop those relationships, you know how many times have you gotten a card from somebody or a text and said hey I was just thinking about you today.

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Jason Mefford: yeah, no, no, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing big I was just thinking about you wanted to let you know.

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yep.

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Kathy Gruver: You know I did all the time I have an old client who moved to Hawaii years ago and she popped into my head a couple of times.

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Kathy Gruver: So, like two or three days ago I messaged her on Facebook i’m like hey, I just wanted to let you know, I was thinking about you.

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Kathy Gruver: I hope your family’s great I miss you guys so much and just I hope just having a beautiful day and she’s like.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh, my God Thank you so much for reaching out a totally made my day to know you were thinking of me if you’re thinking of somebody reach out and tell them that that’s I do, that all I did that yesterday to I passed an old restaurant that a friend of mine owns that he.

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Kathy Gruver: shut it down a couple years ago and I was like just thinking of you, I hope, you’re doing great how’s the family, like it’s so nice to get that.

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Kathy Gruver: So give that to.

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Jason Mefford: yep exactly so that’s first one, focusing on relationships, the second one is thinking strategically.

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Jason Mefford: And, and this one is hard for a lot of people, because you know I work a lot with leaders.

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Jason Mefford: executive leaders and organizations and so.

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Jason Mefford: As we’re growing and developing in our career we start off kind of supervising people.

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Jason Mefford: And we start managing people right, these are like day to day tasks kind of stuff right Kathy are you getting your work done sort of thing and so we’re very much focused on on the the individual tasks are the things.

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Jason Mefford: That are right ahead of us.

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Jason Mefford: And that’s really all that we focus on because we’re just trying to get through what we need to get through right.

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Jason Mefford: Right, but when you move to becoming really a leader, instead of a supervisor or manager, you have to start thinking much more strategically.

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Jason Mefford: And so, an analogy that I use a lot is you know people you know when you’re sitting outside and mosquitoes start coming around right, what do you start doing, most people start SWAT and that the mosquitoes right they get all they get all busy and fixated on the mosquitoes.

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Jason Mefford: And Swanton mosquitoes all day that they don’t even recognize when that alligator is coming up behind them.

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Jason Mefford: And going to eat them right because they’re focused tactically instead of strategically so really.

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Jason Mefford: You know, as as a leader, one of the things that you have to do is be more strategic you know, and this is hard for a lot of people to do.

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Jason Mefford: Because we get so.

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Jason Mefford: caught up in doing our day to day stuff that we never take time to stop and reflect.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah good point.

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Jason Mefford: One of the executive forums, I run we we had a call yesterday and that’s what I told them like you know.

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Jason Mefford: congratulate yourself, for showing up for yourself for an hour and a half.

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Jason Mefford: yeah because what we just talked about in the last hour and a half is moving you to that strategic level right so now, you can go back to your organization and you can say oh.

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Jason Mefford: I never thought of these things like this before.

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Jason Mefford: yeah right and so it’s taking that pause thinking more strategically, but again it’s not what we’re used to.

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Jason Mefford: yeah so for a lot of people is uncomfortable to stop and look at the bigger picture.

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Kathy Gruver: And and essentially because i’m trying to because I don’t have that kind of position.

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Kathy Gruver: i’m just a solo printer kind of thing so it’s like i’m thinking about where have taught where have there been spaces in my career, either as a massage therapist as a speaker as an author, where this applies to me because i’m not managing other people.

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Kathy Gruver: But what I think it’s the way it’s translated in my brain is the knowing what I want.

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Kathy Gruver: And I think sometimes you know, going back to the being stuck in the weeds kind of thing it’s like I have gotten in the past, I think i’m a little bit out of this but i’ve gotten so stuck in another massage kind of never saw.

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Kathy Gruver: That I don’t actually think about okay where’s this ending like what is your goal with all this it’s the old commercial time to make the donuts time to make the don’t.

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Jason Mefford: Like your birth those commercials and anybody under.

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Kathy Gruver: 30 is like what the hell, are you talking about.

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Kathy Gruver: Now it’s time to make the done and I think we do we get into that cycle of just just doing the rat race thing forget it like what is your ultimate goal.

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Kathy Gruver: You know, it was so interested I texted someone yesterday said hey I have a massage opening for Monday.

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Kathy Gruver: He said Oh, you know my boss is now bringing somebody in I don’t need to see you anymore, and there was a part of me that was like God.

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Kathy Gruver: And then I realized I don’t want to be doing massage anymore he’s incredibly difficult to massage because he’s just like a brick he’s solid and I kind of went like Kathy that.

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Kathy Gruver: That does not fit into your plan anyway you’re thinking of the day to day I had an opening fill it as opposed to actually forward thinking to.

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Kathy Gruver: What are you trying to build like what is the future that you want, and so, as I think, from my perspective, the soul, you know strip strategically think kind of fits into that from the.

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Kathy Gruver: I run my own little one person business kind of thing, so does that mean like is that the same kind of thing that you’re talking about.

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Jason Mefford: Well, it is, and actually you know even even when you are a solo printer taking time away so like stepping away.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and like you said, what do you do when you step away well part of it is looking at that, what do I really want to do.

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Jason Mefford: Right giving yourself a little bit of space, because the way our brain works, too, is that we we get so caught up in all that doing doing doing doing doing.

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Jason Mefford: That we can’t allow that other inspiration or other things to come through until we stop, and so you know again solo printers entrepreneurs as well right take a week of vacation take half a day off work.

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Jason Mefford: yeah right and actually just do nothing I did that, yesterday I pretty much ignored my phone didn’t do my emails at all for a whole half a day.

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Jason Mefford: Okay right there’s a lot of people that they join certain coaching groups or masterminds or other things like that, because it it forces them to take a day or two maybe every quarter out of their day and let them be different things differently.

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Jason Mefford: than what they normally do right and so like in your situation yeah well.

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Jason Mefford: You know damn it I don’t have the massage Behold It waited late that’s a part of my business that i’m trying to wind down anyway, because I want to do other things so tactically maybe it sucks but strategically that’s the right thing right and just reminding yourself of that.

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Kathy Gruver: And here’s what’s cool so I have a Facebook group called the empowerment project, and I would like to more coaching clients that’s what I have room for in my in my practice, so I put a thing up on the empowerment project saying hey all.

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Kathy Gruver: I have room for two new coaching clients, this is, I like a succession commitment data, nobody responded, but I was like okay so Friday I got a connection on linkedin who became a coach and client.

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Kathy Gruver: Yesterday I got a call from the husband of one of my current coaching clients he wants to be a coaching client they took the spots on Monday, and I have the two new coaching clients that I wanted.

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Kathy Gruver: So I had I booked that massage.

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Jason Mefford: It wouldn’t it.

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Jason Mefford: wouldn’t have done it.

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Kathy Gruver: The universe.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and so again right that’s one of those things that you put out there.

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Jason Mefford: yeah it doesn’t always come the way we expect it to, but when you when you give yourself the space, and when you put the intention out there things end up happening.

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Jason Mefford: yeah you know I mean I know a lot of business owners, just like you do right and how many times have we heard man that last great idea that I had came from when I took vacation.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and I was talking to my partner we were having drinks in the pool.

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Jason Mefford: And all of a sudden, it just hit me and that idea was worth a million dollars to me.

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Jason Mefford: right because, because what we do is we focus in this kind of goes back to the focusing on relationships to write.

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Jason Mefford: Is your so as a salesperson if you’re so worried about making that hundred or that $1,000 sale.

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Jason Mefford: And that’s all you’re focused on that’s all you’re going to be doing right, but what if what if focusing on a relationship with somebody for three to six months might lead to a million dollar sale where’s the best time spent at that point right.

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Jason Mefford: Absolutely, because because it’s it’s a long term and it’s also a strategic see how these are tying together all there was some thought that went into this folks.

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Jason Mefford: It it becomes that strategic.

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Jason Mefford: thing right you’ll.

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Jason Mefford: see it in the long term, you get the fruits in the long term.

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Jason Mefford: But you only can do that if you’re thinking and acting strategically.

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Kathy Gruver: yep.

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Jason Mefford: You stay on the tactical you’ll just make the hundred dollar sales.

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Kathy Gruver: I completely agree well that’s why we do a longer coaching relationship, you know i’ve had people go well, I just want one or two sessions I can’t.

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Kathy Gruver: do anything with you, and what I mean we have to think to what do you actually want and it takes a couple sessions even figured that out.

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Kathy Gruver: And it is about being strategic and how we use those sessions i’ve got a protocol, now that I do with pretty much every single client varied, of course, depending on what their goal is.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s like it’s not a one and done thing you have to play the long game, you know if you throw the football down the field to try to get a touchdown every single play it’s not going to work will it work every once awhile sure.

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Kathy Gruver: Not every single time you have to think strategically, so I love okay so relationships and strategic.

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Jason Mefford: And again we’ll probably have to do the hey we live in La right it’s Hollywood you gotta wait you gotta wait.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Because I think we’re pretty much wrapping up on time already.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah seven so let’s do two now and we’ll do two later we’ll do the three next.

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Jason Mefford: works from.

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Kathy Gruver: Seven to.

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Jason Mefford: Do.

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Jason Mefford: I do said.

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Jason Mefford: I can still do math in my head at that level so.

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Jason Mefford: that’s what we have dance for.

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Jason Mefford: me yeah yeah exactly.

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Jason Mefford: Alright, so so there’s again, you know and and you know some of it, you know you might be looking at thinking well i’m not i’m i’m executive in a big corporation don’t.

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Kathy Gruver: We don’t have to be right.

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Jason Mefford: All the we’re all leaders, these are all habits, like, I said that i’ve seen the people who are really successful are doing these things, and so again it’ll help you be successful in business, but it also helps you be successful in life.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Totally more, the more you can be strategic the less of a midlife crisis you’re going to have because you’re already thinking about that you know we have those midlife crisis is because we.

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Jason Mefford: We get so busy doing all of the things that we’re doing, and finally, we will wake up and go shit I got.

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Jason Mefford: I only got 30 years more of my life right what am I going to do with the rest of it, then we start asking some of those questions and having some of those thoughts that we really should have been having all along.

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Kathy Gruver: Totally totally I don’t have to give up on my midlife crisis choices that do I.

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Jason Mefford: know you can still do whatever you want.

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yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: This was great I love these two I love the first two of the seven that leaves five.

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Jason Mefford: These five so people have.

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Jason Mefford: A listen.

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Jason Mefford: Listen it listening to hear what those are in a future episode and who knows when that will be or when that will drop so.

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Jason Mefford: Listen every week how about that.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh good teeth cool.

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Kathy Gruver: All right, in the meantime I am Catholic roofer I can be reached at Kathy coover calm.

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Jason Mefford: And i’m Jason effort, I can be reached at Jason method calm so go out have a great rest of your week and we’ll catch you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast so yeah.

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See ya.

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