Fire & Earth Podcast E96: Saboteurs and Challenges

Feel like life’s got you down? Feel like every day you have to overcome various challenges or outside influences sabotaging your day? 

Well this episode is just for you!

In today’s podcast Kathy and Jason will discuss how to get the best of life’s issues, how to ignore any self negativity , and how to become an improved version of yourself. 

Transcript

1
00:00:01.500 –> 00:00:07.020
Kathy Gruver: Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Kathy Gruber.

2
00:00:07.319 –> 00:00:15.480
Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason Medford, and today we thought we talked about something that we all have to deal with. Oops.

3
00:00:17.460 –> 00:00:18.690
Jason Mefford: Yeah, exactly right.

4
00:00:18.780 –> 00:00:25.920
Jason Mefford: Okay, I’ve recently. Well, hopefully, every single day, you’re dealing with that if your body’s really regulating as it needs to. Right.

5
00:00:27.210 –> 00:00:27.810
Jason Mefford: But no.

6
00:00:27.990 –> 00:00:40.770
Jason Mefford: saboteurs challenges to talk about today, right, because you know there’s there’s we all experienced this. We all have different challenges that come along to us.

7
00:00:41.610 –> 00:00:54.030
Jason Mefford: We all have these little saboteurs that come along and seem to disrupt what we’re trying to do. And so we wanted to dig into that a little bit today because

8
00:00:55.350 –> 00:01:03.150
Jason Mefford: A lot of times we blame instead of taking responsibility for those things when they end up happening. Yeah.

9
00:01:03.660 –> 00:01:09.120
Kathy Gruver: Yeah, it’s not uncommon. And I know in our in coaching, at least when I do it, we talked quite a bit about the saboteur

10
00:01:10.020 –> 00:01:19.230
Kathy Gruver: It’s so if someone was encouraged you don’t want to bring it up because you don’t want them to be constantly in the saboteur but to me unless you acknowledge that it exists and you name it.

11
00:01:19.530 –> 00:01:27.510
Kathy Gruver: You can’t get rid of it. So what is that is that self doubt is that messages from your parents. What is it inside you, that’s keeping you from reaching that goal.

12
00:01:28.260 –> 00:01:37.170
Kathy Gruver: And of course, there’s a reason we’re talking about this. I was trying to get to my office today. And there’s a giant truck in the alley and I stopped. And it’s like, Okay, I have a choice. How do I respond to this.

13
00:01:37.830 –> 00:01:50.850
Kathy Gruver: Do I try to get around the truck who that was iffy big telephone pole could scratch the car. Do I go around the block. And I finally decided their trucks blocking my way I’m going to park in their parking lot. So my cars in a different parking lot today.

14
00:01:51.120 –> 00:01:52.500
Kathy Gruver: It’s like we have options of

15
00:01:52.830 –> 00:01:58.860
Kathy Gruver: It’s just like anything else. We have options of do we give up. I mean, frankly, I could still be sitting in the alley going, why isn’t this guy moving

16
00:01:59.430 –> 00:02:12.870
Kathy Gruver: I solved the problem because I knew I had something to do. So when dealing with the saboteur it’s like can you get rid of the saboteur completely and if not, what are your other options. How do you go around what this big block is in your life.

17
00:02:13.680 –> 00:02:18.570
Jason Mefford: Well, like you said, you use the word respond. That’s, that’s the important word right is that

18
00:02:21.210 –> 00:02:31.740
Jason Mefford: You know, really, it kind of goes back some stuff we talked about before, right, when one of these things comes along, you know, first off, back of the brain fight, flight, or freeze right

19
00:02:32.280 –> 00:02:37.770
Jason Mefford: And so again, you know, you could have just sat in your car, cross your arms, maybe flipped him off. I don’t know, whatever.

20
00:02:38.100 –> 00:02:49.680
Jason Mefford: You know I’m, you know, I’m not going to move you gotta move your in my way. Wow. Right. You can do all of that stuff that’s really not going to change the situation at all right.

21
00:02:50.790 –> 00:03:07.320
Jason Mefford: And and we do have the ability to choose and to be responsible right and and i think that you know we have much more control than we believe

22
00:03:07.410 –> 00:03:07.680
Kathy Gruver: Yep.

23
00:03:07.950 –> 00:03:14.250
Jason Mefford: And so one of the things that one of my mentor says is, is about having influence over the conditions of your life.

24
00:03:15.810 –> 00:03:30.060
Jason Mefford: We may not be able to control all of the conditions, but we can influence the conditions and obviously we can respond or choose to respond to the different conditions that come up. Yeah.

25
00:03:30.240 –> 00:03:33.600
Kathy Gruver: Absolutely. And don’t think I didn’t have some words for the

26
00:03:36.300 –> 00:03:38.940
Kathy Gruver: There were some words because I was rushing to get here.

27
00:03:40.590 –> 00:03:51.870
Kathy Gruver: Now here’s, here’s the thing though I’m familiar with this neighborhood. So I happen to know that running parallel to the alley that I have to go down to get to my office because my door faces this back alley.

28
00:03:52.530 –> 00:04:00.840
Kathy Gruver: There’s a whole neighborhood with this connection of streets. So if the alleys blocked. I know I simply go and I come in the alley. The other way.

29
00:04:01.230 –> 00:04:11.280
Kathy Gruver: That comes from experience and knowledge. I also know the manager of the store. They’re not going to tell my car. So one of the things that made this adaptation easy for me.

30
00:04:11.520 –> 00:04:18.690
Kathy Gruver: Is the knowledge and the experience that everything’s going to work out fine. If you don’t know that there’s that that other route.

31
00:04:18.990 –> 00:04:29.580
Kathy Gruver: It’s going to freak you out a little bit. So what I found is, the more experiences we have and the more we learn, the more we talk about people, the more adaptable. We seem to be in dealing with these blocks and the saboteurs

32
00:04:30.000 –> 00:04:32.730
Kathy Gruver: So, what, what would you say is your biggest saboteur Jason

33
00:04:35.250 –> 00:04:44.970
Jason Mefford: Oh, come on. Do we have to air all the dirty laundry, I think, I think, one that comes back to me a lot, is that everybody deals with is some of the self doubt.

34
00:04:45.870 –> 00:05:01.620
Jason Mefford: Right, that that sometimes we we want to do something, but deep down inside there’s that little ego part of us. It’s like, oh, no, no, no, no, it’s different. It’s change. You’ve never done that before you might die.

35
00:05:02.070 –> 00:05:10.680
Jason Mefford: Well, we’re not going to die right but but there’s that there’s that constant kind of fighting with that egos state.

36
00:05:10.950 –> 00:05:12.270
Jason Mefford: That once you to keep

37
00:05:12.270 –> 00:05:26.430
Jason Mefford: Doing the same thing, but as as you’re trying to grow as you’re trying to develop. You know, there’s a there’s an error of vulnerability that comes out with that. And we all have self doubt. I mean, I’ve listened to, you know,

38
00:05:27.420 –> 00:05:34.350
Jason Mefford: Famous people, you know, very talented musicians, actors, other people like this.

39
00:05:34.830 –> 00:05:42.150
Jason Mefford: And, you know, from the outside world, you would think, Oh, they’ve got all their shit together. They know exactly what they’re doing. Look at how confident they are

40
00:05:42.600 –> 00:05:50.700
Jason Mefford: And they still have periods of that imposter syndrome of feeling like I’m not good enough. You know, this last song I put out

41
00:05:51.060 –> 00:05:59.910
Jason Mefford: I don’t know. It’s not really that good, you know, and then it ends up being number one hit. Right, right. So, so we all kind of tend to do that. And so

42
00:06:00.390 –> 00:06:10.530
Jason Mefford: Each time that comes up, you know, you have to kind of stop and like you said, look, everything is going to be fine, right, I’ve gone through this. I’ve done this, how many times before.

43
00:06:11.520 –> 00:06:19.740
Jason Mefford: In different ways. Everything is going to be okay. I just have to choose and move forward and not worried about it. Just trust.

44
00:06:20.100 –> 00:06:32.340
Kathy Gruver: Yeah, I had a friend who gave me some really good advice. My dad was in the hospital and I was tremendously upset. This was probably about a year before he actually passed away. So he ended up being okay but i was i was a mess.

45
00:06:32.700 –> 00:06:44.250
Kathy Gruver: And I was standing in his office and I was crying, and he and his arms around me and he said, you’re going to be okay. And I said, what if my dad’s not okay. And he said, regardless of whether your dad’s okay you’re gonna be okay.

46
00:06:45.510 –> 00:06:46.710
Kathy Gruver: And I kind of stopped and went

47
00:06:48.300 –> 00:06:58.980
Kathy Gruver: Yeah. So I realized, whether or not I get the speaking gig, whether or not I get the whatever, I’m going to be okay. There isn’t a personal threat to me in that

48
00:06:59.850 –> 00:07:09.360
Kathy Gruver: Failure, or that feedback or whatever that is. And I’m going to the same as you. It’s, it’s the self doubt and mine sort of comes out in the

49
00:07:10.470 –> 00:07:12.450
Kathy Gruver: Why are you bothering it’s not going to work anyway.

50
00:07:13.410 –> 00:07:25.860
Kathy Gruver: Or I convince myself of I’m not in the right frame of mind to write that right now. Like I’ll sit down to write a speaking proposal and I swear to god words don’t work in my head. Like I you know they might my cat might as well just be pushing letters.

51
00:07:27.030 –> 00:07:29.850
Kathy Gruver: And I realized that I do this tapping thing that Mike taught us

52
00:07:30.090 –> 00:07:36.960
Kathy Gruver: Yeah, and I switch ego states into I’m in work mode. Kathy. So what I’ll do is I will find something that

53
00:07:37.230 –> 00:07:45.930
Kathy Gruver: triggers that ego state, I’ll do that first. Whether it’s responding to an email or doing the dishes, something that brings me into that organizational mindset.

54
00:07:46.320 –> 00:07:52.950
Kathy Gruver: And then I will go back and write what I need to write or I’ll dictate it because I’m just for some reason.

55
00:07:53.460 –> 00:08:05.040
Kathy Gruver: I guess because I’m a speaker and I’m a visual kinesthetic that walking around my house and dictating what I want to say, and actually helps it flow better. So it’s important to find those workarounds it’s important to find what is going to

56
00:08:06.690 –> 00:08:13.410
Kathy Gruver: Work for you. And there have been times in hypnosis or in coaching where I’ve had the person slaughter the

57
00:08:13.920 –> 00:08:24.630
Kathy Gruver: saboteur. What does it look like what does it sound like what does that voice, you’re hearing what do you use the sort of organizational you slice its head off or, you know, we do this whole sort of visualization of

58
00:08:25.050 –> 00:08:28.800
Kathy Gruver: How are we getting rid of the saboteur or make its voice and Mickey Mouse voice.

59
00:08:29.130 –> 00:08:42.510
Kathy Gruver: Because if you constantly hear your father and your head going, You’re a loser. You’re a loser. You’re a loser. And that influences every next step you take, if you suddenly hear you’re a loser. Yeah, yeah, I lose it becomes funny and it doesn’t bother me at all.

60
00:08:44.460 –> 00:08:46.290
Jason Mefford: Well, because, because the the

61
00:08:46.410 –> 00:09:01.740
Jason Mefford: What we perceive as that physical threat is not a physical threat, it’s, it’s a subconscious issue right and so again you know some of those things like making just giving it a funny voice Well by ear. You know, whatever you want to do.

62
00:09:05.580 –> 00:09:06.900
Jason Mefford: A whole episode on that.

63
00:09:07.530 –> 00:09:12.450
Jason Mefford: You know, give it a funny voice do something else. I mean, there’s a lot of different techniques for that.

64
00:09:14.520 –> 00:09:23.130
Jason Mefford: You know, as, as, just to try to make a call way. The other thing is, is as you even said, you know, cuz I get this, I get this a lot to, you know, I’m trying to do.

65
00:09:23.490 –> 00:09:33.840
Jason Mefford: Copy on the website. And it’s the same thing. You know, you feel like you’ve got that route that writer’s block. Well, some of the things we’ve talked about before, you know, without doing things like the tapping

66
00:09:34.590 –> 00:09:53.970
Jason Mefford: You know that you were talking about with Mike or having some kind of totems or other stuff like that that kind of gets you to show up into that egos state right helps again kind of remind you that, look, you know, this is the person that’s got to show up right now.

67
00:09:54.300 –> 00:09:56.370
Jason Mefford: I’m serious. I’m getting it done.

68
00:09:56.790 –> 00:10:05.460
Jason Mefford: And you know, when I get it done, then I can go back to being you know the other ego state that I want to, but right now I’m going to push through

69
00:10:06.690 –> 00:10:12.120
Jason Mefford: Because whatever fear we might be feeling is not real anyway.

70
00:10:13.290 –> 00:10:15.480
Kathy Gruver: Right fear. False Evidence Appearing Real

71
00:10:16.380 –> 00:10:22.620
Kathy Gruver: You know, and I always ask people, what do I know to be true will look at a good anyway. Do you know that to be true.

72
00:10:24.480 –> 00:10:32.100
Kathy Gruver: Because if you do, then you might want to rethink your entire career if you know that everything you try is not going to work. And it’s interesting I caught myself.

73
00:10:33.240 –> 00:10:36.120
Kathy Gruver: I caught myself being very just truthful. Truthful

74
00:10:37.620 –> 00:10:39.480
Jason Mefford: I’m sure it’s a word. You just said it.

75
00:10:39.840 –> 00:10:40.620
Just truthful.

76
00:10:41.970 –> 00:10:42.450
Kathy Gruver: Yes.

77
00:10:44.430 –> 00:10:55.620
Kathy Gruver: I’m going to get into my I’m always right ego state. It is just truthful. Anyway, I caught myself being sort of mean to myself I would, I was always saying to people. God, if I just had more time and money. If I just had more time and money. I would have an

78
00:10:55.920 –> 00:11:01.980
Kathy Gruver: Award winning speaking grip. I just had more time and money and then coven hit and I had more time, but I knew what to do with and didn’t do jack shit.

79
00:11:03.360 –> 00:11:04.410
Kathy Gruver: And it’s like, wow.

80
00:11:05.550 –> 00:11:11.940
Kathy Gruver: I had all the time that I said I needed to get this stuff done. Did I do it.

81
00:11:12.540 –> 00:11:21.180
Kathy Gruver: You know, so then I have to look at that. Do I really want to do those things. What is the block that’s keeping me from doing those things. Is it the ego state that’s like

82
00:11:21.660 –> 00:11:31.680
Kathy Gruver: Going to the beach with the boyfriend or is it the end it’s not going to work. Anyway, or add no one’s going to read the book. Anyway, or at what why didn’t I do these things. Now, some of them. I got done

83
00:11:32.700 –> 00:11:43.110
Kathy Gruver: But why didn’t I do these things I said I want to do. What is that block and I really have to sit with that if I if I truly want to succeed. And I want to know myself, which to me as the key to everything.

84
00:11:43.680 –> 00:11:53.310
Kathy Gruver: Why didn’t I do those things. So ask yourself, why aren’t you doing those things. Is it the saboteurs, you don’t really want to do that thing in the first place. What do you want, which to me is an important question.

85
00:11:54.810 –> 00:11:58.950
Jason Mefford: Well, it is an end to push past it. You know, like you said, is he is

86
00:12:00.000 –> 00:12:11.220
Jason Mefford: You know, it goes back to that, you know, so, so many of us say what you know when I have this, then I’ll do that. And then I’ll be this person right and you got to flip that

87
00:12:12.270 –> 00:12:14.730
Jason Mefford: Back around, right, I mean, we talked about that before.

88
00:12:15.030 –> 00:12:26.700
Jason Mefford: You’re never going to have those things unless you first be the person. Right. So again, that’s where we come back to some of the ego states and other stuff is just show up and pretend

89
00:12:27.270 –> 00:12:45.690
Jason Mefford: If you have to. In the meantime, just be who that person would be to have those things and then you’ll find yourself doing those things that, that being would do, which of course is going to lead to the having of those things, but you know it’s it’s

90
00:12:47.130 –> 00:13:03.630
Jason Mefford: It’s easy to say it’s very simple. It’s easy to say it’s sometimes hard to do the simple things. And that’s why you just got to show up each day and fight and be the warrior and kind of push through until we we end up having what we want at the end of the day.

91
00:13:04.470 –> 00:13:12.930
Kathy Gruver: And it’s interesting. We were talking about ego states. And I know we had mike on talking about ego states and you and I have talked about ego states. For those of you listening or watching who are going to hold you guys talking about

92
00:13:13.260 –> 00:13:21.300
Kathy Gruver: Go back and watch one of the ego state was it’s going to make so much more sense because it’s it’s such a huge part of who we are and what we do. So my one of my dominant states is the Capricorn.

93
00:13:21.930 –> 00:13:30.330
Kathy Gruver: She’s great. She keeps me organized. She keeps me on track. She keeps she’s how I got my PhD and I’ve written all the books and you know she’s the this is the Capricorn.

94
00:13:31.050 –> 00:13:41.850
Kathy Gruver: Very strict very driven very organized her shadow side is very judgmental very harsh no break. It’s very nasty and

95
00:13:42.780 –> 00:13:50.010
Kathy Gruver: If I don’t get done what I say, I’d like to do, she pops in stupid loser. Why did you do that, you know, she gets very critical.

96
00:13:50.280 –> 00:13:59.490
Kathy Gruver: And I was telling my boyfriend, Eric, that the other day and I said, You know, I’m starting to feel like crap because I say able to do all these things and I’m not and my Capricorn is though he’s sitting there and he looks at me, he goes

97
00:14:00.540 –> 00:14:03.000
Kathy Gruver: I don’t think I like your Capricorn.

98
00:14:04.410 –> 00:14:06.090
Jason Mefford: She doesn’t sound like a nice person.

99
00:14:06.600 –> 00:14:20.310
Kathy Gruver: She’s kind of she makes you not feel good. And I went, yes. In her worst she makes me not feel good in her best. She keeps me on task. She keeps me organized. So what I realized is there’s this other ego state my manager.

100
00:14:21.060 –> 00:14:29.790
Kathy Gruver: Who, if you just give him the list of things to do. He’s very gentle and he’s very good at saying, Hey, why don’t we do three things today.

101
00:14:30.450 –> 00:14:40.260
Kathy Gruver: Don’t have to get all 30 done. So I’ve realized there’s this almost sort of subset of Capricorn, which is this very nice couple looks like my dad, you know, bald with the glasses, which is very kind and like

102
00:14:40.560 –> 00:14:44.220
Kathy Gruver: Organized and very little twisted and kind of nerdy little like it. It looks just like you.

103
00:14:44.850 –> 00:14:45.810
Jason Mefford: Know he has no

104
00:14:47.130 –> 00:14:48.570
Jason Mefford: Glasses. Hey, here we go.

105
00:14:51.570 –> 00:14:52.020
Kathy Gruver: My god.

106
00:14:53.190 –> 00:14:54.600
Jason Mefford: That was much funnier than me.

107
00:14:54.990 –> 00:14:55.650
Kathy Gruver: Oh my god.

108
00:14:56.070 –> 00:14:58.380
Kathy Gruver: Smiling and just sort of gentle and

109
00:14:58.680 –> 00:15:05.460
Kathy Gruver: Once you to succeed, but doesn’t need to be an asshole about it. So it’s like I’ve realized if I can give this stuff over to my manager.

110
00:15:05.700 –> 00:15:17.490
Kathy Gruver: stuff gets done. And I’m not driving myself crazy. I still have time to go to the beach. You know, so it’s the saboteurs or sometimes just ourselves. It’s just this this other part of our ego state being too mean to us.

111
00:15:19.440 –> 00:15:23.550
Kathy Gruver: Do you do have a manager or a capper into the Capricorn and you Jason

112
00:15:24.510 –> 00:15:26.280
Jason Mefford: Well, I have

113
00:15:28.170 –> 00:15:30.930
Jason Mefford: I’m not a Capricorn. I’m a Leo right but

114
00:15:31.110 –> 00:15:34.440
Jason Mefford: Where they came from. I know, but I did, but I do have

115
00:15:35.940 –> 00:15:43.200
Jason Mefford: You know some of that were because especially like we’ve been talking, you know, this month for me is very busy.

116
00:15:44.520 –> 00:15:48.870
Jason Mefford: And so when i when i get that way. I, I have a big list.

117
00:15:50.550 –> 00:15:57.660
Jason Mefford: Over here of all the stuff that I’m supposed to do and say and and a lot of times in, you know, in the course of a day.

118
00:15:58.710 –> 00:16:01.590
Jason Mefford: I maybe had 10 things on my list. And I get one done

119
00:16:02.940 –> 00:16:09.180
Jason Mefford: Now, I was serving people all day, I was doing what I needed to do. It was stuff that had to get done.

120
00:16:09.780 –> 00:16:18.540
Jason Mefford: But then I will get sometimes hard on myself, you know, just like your, your shadow side Capricorn to say, you know. Oh, come on, Jason, you know,

121
00:16:19.020 –> 00:16:25.890
Jason Mefford: You know you said you were going to get all this stuff done. You didn’t get it all done. You know, you don’t, you’re not keeping your word. What’s, what’s the matter, right.

122
00:16:26.700 –> 00:16:44.130
Jason Mefford: And so it is it’s it’s trying to, again, have that self compassion, realizing that, you know, look, probably, probably half the things on my list. I should just turn over to somebody on my team, but I’m still holding on to it for some stupid reason right that I have to let go of

123
00:16:45.720 –> 00:17:00.840
Jason Mefford: It and actually allow them to do more, you know, that’s, that’s where some of my control stuff kind of comes in, you know, in that way, that I just need to release more and realized again. I mean, Ali.

124
00:17:01.890 –> 00:17:09.090
Jason Mefford: Last night said you’re you’re letting your business drive you again. And I went, oh shit. Yep, honey. Right.

125
00:17:09.480 –> 00:17:23.790
Jason Mefford: You know, I, you know, in working more and doing more of the stuff because I feel this pressure to get it done. And the challenge of it where, again I have to choose.

126
00:17:24.840 –> 00:17:29.130
Jason Mefford: Choose what’s most important what only I can do and try to delegate the rest of it.

127
00:17:29.550 –> 00:17:31.860
Jason Mefford: And just realize that it’s going to be what it is.

128
00:17:32.190 –> 00:17:40.590
Kathy Gruver: Yeah, I want to point out something so important and what you just said when we are in a relationship when we are in a team when we are in a couple

129
00:17:41.370 –> 00:17:51.540
Kathy Gruver: And somebody sees you working too hard or if you’re the one listening to this, where your spouse is the Taipei, where the business is driving them again.

130
00:17:52.170 –> 00:18:01.050
Kathy Gruver: Figure out the gentlest healthiest way to say that to them because if you just go you’re waiting to I should get into data, they’re not going to hear you.

131
00:18:01.920 –> 00:18:08.910
Kathy Gruver: If you come at me and say, You’re crazy workaholic. Again, what are you doing, I’m gonna be like, Screw you, because my Capricorn is like no, whatever.

132
00:18:10.800 –> 00:18:12.660
Kathy Gruver: Eric said the exact same thing to me the other day.

133
00:18:13.500 –> 00:18:21.930
Kathy Gruver: He pointed out in the most gentle way. He goes, you know you had mentioned that you didn’t want to be the way you were before you didn’t want to be working as much. He didn’t want to be seen many clients.

134
00:18:22.290 –> 00:18:26.610
Kathy Gruver: He goes on. I know if things are weird with Kovac. But your I see you kind of doing it again.

135
00:18:27.420 –> 00:18:39.510
Kathy Gruver: And I just want to question that. Because I don’t know if that’s what you want to be doing right now. And if it is, that’s fine. But you said you didn’t want to. And now I see you doing it again. And I was like, Oh my God, what a perfect way to say that just the suddenly what Allah did you

136
00:18:39.840 –> 00:18:41.190
Kathy Gruver: Just that reminder of

137
00:18:41.760 –> 00:18:43.770
Kathy Gruver: You’re doing that thing you said you didn’t want it.

138
00:18:45.120 –> 00:18:51.840
Jason Mefford: Well, and what was funny is, you know, there was, I can’t remember it was the same day, but it was the day this week to where

139
00:18:52.410 –> 00:19:01.980
Jason Mefford: Where I could tell that she was kind of looking at me like something’s off with me right and and so later. Later in the day, she says, you know,

140
00:19:02.460 –> 00:19:16.200
Jason Mefford: Are you annoyed at me and I’m like, No, I’m not annoyed at you, you know, well, you kind of seem like you’re annoyed and and so again right she kind of brought that brought that up to me. And so I sat with that for a little while. And I’m like,

141
00:19:18.420 –> 00:19:29.610
Jason Mefford: I probably am annoyed. I’m not annoyed at her right I’m annoyed at myself because I wasn’t getting some of this stuff done that I wanted to and I was slipping back

142
00:19:30.090 –> 00:19:35.550
Jason Mefford: Right in into that old way. And again, that gentleness of a partner, a friend.

143
00:19:35.970 –> 00:19:52.260
Jason Mefford: You know, being able to bring something that like that up to us because again we got to just look in the mirror and realize I mean we started off talking about saboteurs and obstacles, right. A lot of times those come from herself yeah and and we’re our own worst enemy.

144
00:19:53.610 –> 00:20:01.770
Jason Mefford: And it’s a journey right i mean we are leaving. We know this. We’ve been living this for years, but it’s still creeps in for us. It creeps in for everybody.

145
00:20:02.310 –> 00:20:10.650
Jason Mefford: At different times in your life. The issue is, the more you practice, the more you do it, the easier it is to get out of it.

146
00:20:11.130 –> 00:20:21.630
Jason Mefford: Right, instead of it being like a three week funk. It’s like a three minute funk like oh shit. Okay, I just recognize that. Well, I’m going to stop it. I’m going to change. I’m going to move forward. Right.

147
00:20:21.870 –> 00:20:31.770
Kathy Gruver: And that takes awareness and that takes knowing who you are. It takes knowing what you want. This is why I love mapping the ego states, I can tell you pretty much all the time, who’s in charge, who’s driving my boss.

148
00:20:32.730 –> 00:20:42.330
Kathy Gruver: And it’s so great to have a gentle partner who can say, oh, you’re doing that thing you said you didn’t want to do. This is what an accountability partners for and if you’re not in a relationship.

149
00:20:42.690 –> 00:20:50.490
Kathy Gruver: Have a coach, have a, you know, I just did. I just finished up my coaching hours and I saw a bunch of clients just a one like one shot free session.

150
00:20:50.850 –> 00:20:54.690
Kathy Gruver: In the end of every single session. I said, What do you need from me now.

151
00:20:55.530 –> 00:21:00.540
Kathy Gruver: Do you need me to call you and check in. I’ll do it once. I’m not going to bug you every day to do that thing that’s not my job.

152
00:21:00.840 –> 00:21:06.060
Kathy Gruver: But do you want to check in, in a week and see if you did that thing you just said you wanted to do and every single person went

153
00:21:06.780 –> 00:21:17.580
Kathy Gruver: Yeah, I would love that. And every single person except one did what they said they were going to do. And she goes, Oh my God, how do we go by already. Thank you so much for reminding me that I need to do that now.

154
00:21:18.720 –> 00:21:24.600
Kathy Gruver: Good. That’s I’m done with that, you know, it’s like, I’m not going to check in, again with her and what she asked me to. But it’s like, do we have that

155
00:21:25.320 –> 00:21:34.980
Kathy Gruver: Inner check in person or an outer checking person around us that can go, they can hold us accountable and keep us healthy because sometimes we do get a little off the rails. I know I do.

156
00:21:36.240 –> 00:21:45.870
Jason Mefford: So when you’re off the rails. I think we had an episode on that earlier when you fall off the wagon. Get back on. Right. So that’s one of the lessons of life, so

157
00:21:46.140 –> 00:21:47.760
Kathy Gruver: It is it is how this is lovely.

158
00:21:49.350 –> 00:21:58.530
Kathy Gruver: saboteurs you name it identify it. See what you could do to get rid of it. Do a workaround surround yourself by people that love you and support you and can keep you accountable, the things

159
00:21:59.310 –> 00:22:19.170
Jason Mefford: And then just make a choice move into that other ego state that you need to in move past it because you, you do have way more control over the conditions that are going on in your life and how you choose to respond that most of us realize. Yep. So just make the choice, move on. Exactly.

160
00:22:19.380 –> 00:22:21.390
Kathy Gruver: I love it, the choice to move on. Alright.

161
00:22:22.620 –> 00:22:25.680
Kathy Gruver: Alright, I’m Kathy Gruber. I can be reached at Kathy Griffin calm.

162
00:22:26.070 –> 00:22:35.760
Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason method I can be reached at Jason method calm go out. Have a great rest of your week and we’ll catch you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast. See ya.